


My favorite color is red (or maybe it's brown)

by hamstergyu



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M, myungsoo's just a cat, sunggyu's kind of a jerk, sungyeol is an asshole, woohyun's a puppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hamstergyu/pseuds/hamstergyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunggyu learns that the sky is blue like you learn that four is two plus two. </p><p>Or a world where everything is in black and white until you meet your soulmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sunggyu learns that the sky is blue like you learn that four is two plus two.

There isn’t a reason for it – they just tell him and he believes it.  He has to. 

Sunggyu thinks that the sky is gray.  He thinks it’s the perfect shade of gray so that when the sun shines over him, so blindingly white, the gray is a nice contrast to it.  It’s a light color with specs of white clouds that sometimes look like pigs, or rabbits, or sea lions riding motorcycles all the way from Busan to Seoul to fetch his sister from college so they can lay on the grass (which is green they say, but Sunggyu still calls it gray in his head) and feel it’s thin stalks prickling between his toes and his back when his shirt is thin enough and if he moves to much he giggles because it tickles.  They lay like that and sip the cherry juice boxes until their lips turn blood red (his mother told him that – he just thought they looked a darker gray) and his sister tells him about the cute boy in her math lecture. 

He’s not the one though, he can’t be.  Because she doesn’t understand things about the blue sky or the green grass.  So they know he’s not the one. 

But Sunggyu is only seven and pretends that none of that exists.  Sunggyu doesn’t like the soulmate stuff they teach him in school so when his sister comes back its fun to lay in the grass like this and pretend.  It’s fun to see her cheeks turn darker gray and watch her eyes twinkle and listen to her talk so fast that her words start to slur together.  Sometimes she laughs so hard she starts rolling around in the grass and gets it in her hair and on her clothes and his mother yells at them for the smell later and sometimes she gets so embarrassed that she starts screaming (it sounds like a fire siren – Sunggyu tells her) and kicks around the air and wails.   It’s all because of the cute boy in her math class.  It’s everything they show on TV in the dumb dramas his mom watches, and in all the movies about soulmates finding each other.  It’s all there except for the colors. 

If that isn’t love, Sunggyu doesn’t understand what is.

His mother still warns her (him) that she (he) needs to be careful.  She tells her (him) that one day cute math boy will find his soul mate.  One day she (he) will find her (his) soul mate and it’ll end up a messy situation.  His mother tells her (him) that her racing heart is wrong, the only sure-tell of sign of true love is looking at a sky that is not gray with pretty specs of white but that is as clear blue as the ocean is supposed to be.  His mother tells them one day they will understand that love is not an easy game to play, and having soulmates is one way to guarantee a win.

But Sunggyu doesn’t like that – neither does his sister.  He likes the mystery, he likes the game.  Sunggyu wants to play blindfolded and wander around on his own.  He wants to brave the world with his own two eyes and fall in love without any assurance.  It isn’t unheard of – finding couples who aren’t soulmates.  It’s crazy though – why would anyone settle for someone when they know that someone better is out there for them? 

Sunggyu likes the idea still, being able to meet someone for the first time and watch it all develop.  To think that they have pretty gray eyes and a cute dimpled smile and then notice how their hair is the perfect type of messy right when they wake up and to taste their breath on his lips and to feel their fingers running across his cheeks and to just wake up one morning and realize that he has someone he loves and he found them all by himself.

His mother scolds his sister a lot – for planting these “crazy” ideas in his head.  Sunggyu doesn’t call them crazy; he likes them.  He tells all his friends at school he doesn’t want a soul mate and he’s gonna find his lover all by himself and everyone gasps at him.  He goes to principal’s office a few times and he sits Sunggyu down in that big leather chair that swallows him up while he stares at all the oddly colored pictures painting his wall.  He stares at one that looks like a mix between a pony and a rabbit and all it’s just a big glob of gray with eyes and a small name scribbled in at the bottom.  The name reads Nam Woohyun.   Sunggyu ignores the principal’s questions and asks him about the picture.  He sends him back to his class with a sigh and doesn’t tell him what color the pony’s tail is.  Sunggyu decides he doesn’t like him.  But the next time he goes, he asks and the principal tells him it’s red. 

Sunggyu thinks red is his favorite color, his mother told him it was the color of apples (his favorite food) and the color of cherry juice (his favorite drink) and most importantly his mother tells him that red is what they call the color of love.  Of course there is no better color to be his favorite. 

_“His name is Daehyun and he has these eyes that sparkle and gosh Sunggyu I swear I have to at least kiss him once,”_

_“Mom says you can’t do that,”_

_“When have I ever listened to her before?”_

_“That’s just not how love works anymore, why would you want to choose when it’s already be chosen?”_

_“It takes the fun out of everything.”_

_“You shouldn’t try to have fun when your future is on the line.”_

_“What color is its tail?”_

_“It’s red.”_

_“I like that color.”_

_“But you don’t even know what red looks like,”_

_“I don’t know what blue is either, but you said that’s what the sky is,”_

_“That’s different…it’s…alright, fine.  Red can be your favorite color.”_

 

 

Dongwoo keeps trying to flick the eraser off his pencil at Sunggyu’s face but his nails are too stubby and Sunggyu is too far.  And Sunggyu’s also too deeply interested in the guest lecturer to notice him, drinking in all of his worlds like alcohol and watching his dreams become a drunken reality. 

Sunggyu’s smile stretches so large his missing tooth smack in the middle of his mouth shows clearly but he diligently scribbles down every word he can catch and hastily grabs for a brochure once class is dismissed.  He’s twelve years old and Sunggyu already knows what he’s going to do with his life the second he turns thirty. 

They learn about two surgeries that day – one of them is called Lacunar Removal, most people call it LacR for short.   It was for people who lost their soulmate in an accident and couldn’t cope with the pain.  It’s sad, Sunggyu thinks, but he’s too mesmerized by the other one to really care too much about it. That’s the one he decides he’s definitely going to get as soon as he can.

Dongwoo keeps flicking corn at him during lunch and a few kernels make it into his hair (one lands in his ear and Dongwoo laughs his butt off and slams his fist on the table so loud that the girls two tables over glare at him but Sunggyu is still too preoccupied to notice).  He hasn’t put down the brochure and his smile grows wider and wider, drunk with thoughts of his future.  “You aren’t actually going to do that stuff,” Dongwoo gives up on annoying him and shoves a large spoonful of corn into his mouth. 

“Why not? It’s exactly what someone like me needs,”  Sunggyu says, finally shutting the brochure and carefully slipping it into his backpack where it won’t get damaged – but his mother won’t find it later when he forgets to put out his lunch box in the kitchen and she has to rummage through his stuff to find it herself. 

Sunggyu thinks he’ll go home and talk to his sister about it though, maybe on the phone.  But he isn’t sure.  She’s not like him anymore.  She found her soulmate – and it wasn’t cute math boy.  It turned out to be the son of the baker that lived a street down from her campus she hadn’t visited until one day senior year of university.  She told him it smelled like apples and cinnamon and she didn’t even notice she could actually see in color because she was so distracted by the sweet smell.

Sunggyu thinks it’s ironic – the boy’s name was Daehyun too.  The Daehyun his sister spent four years crushing on didn’t like sweet things.  Sunggyu also thinks it’s funny that his sister completely forgot about cute math boy Daehyun.  She whispered his name into her pillow every night and read up on some American band to try to impress him and even learned all the lyrics to his favorite song just so she could sing it to him.  She did a lot for math boy Daehyun, and she ditched him for baker Daehyun. Sunggyu wonders if math boy Daehyun ever liked his sister, maybe it wasn’t just a one-sided thing. But math boy Daehyun graduated a year ago and Sunggyu never heard his sister talk about him ever again.

He was forgotten, just like his mother said he would be, and Sunggyu is a little disappointed the outcome wasn’t messy at all.  He thinks that math-boy Daehyun deserves messy.  

Dongwoo narrows his eyes, and shoves a mixture of corn and mashed potatoes into his mouth, “That stuff is serious, my mother told me she’d disown me if I ever did it.”

 “You’re mother told you about this?”  Sunggyu pouts and picks at the crust around his sandwich that he hates but his mother refuses to waste food and forces (well, so she thinks) him to eat anyway.  “My mother never even talked about this stuff,”

“Well duh, probably because you’d be the first person to try to do it.”  Dongwoo snorts and takes a large swig of his chocolate milk.  “In fact you’d sign up for it now if you had the chance,”

“I don’t see why it’s a problem, it’s just being able to see colors without a soulmate,”  Sunggyu takes a bite out of his chicken sandwich and chews it carefully – sometimes his mother accidentally slips in a bone and he doesn’t need another rush to the dentist because he got a chicken bone stuck in his jaw.  “People do it all the time.”

“People who can’t find their soulmates,” Dongwoo reminds him.  “Color corrective surgery isn’t a joke, Sunggyu.”

“I didn’t say that it was,” Sunggyu shrugs his shoulder and takes a long sip out of his pouch of cherry juice and wonders if the teachers can see the bright red color on his lips.  He smacks them together, “All I’m saying is I don’t want anyone else deciding who I love,”

“But this is fate!” Dongwoo cries, with a little frustration, “You can’t just say no to fate, it doesn’t work that way.”

Sunggyu gives him a smug smile, but it’s not very smug because his cheeks still have loads of baby fat and his eyes crinkle up in a way that makes him look five, “Just watch me.”

Like Dongwoo, his sister laughs at him when he tells her about it later.

 

_“Any questions?”_

_“Is it possible to get Color Corrective before the age of 30? Are there really no exceptions?”_

_“Very few…but why would anyone want that, would you not want to wait it out in hope?”_

_“Sunggyu…please take everything you learned today with a grain of salt, okay?”_

_“I don’t understand what you mean.”_

_“Don’t shoot to get this surgery, boy.  I don’t say this as your principal, but as a mentor. Don’t do it.”_

_“That’s a stupid dream.”_

_“It was yours once too.”_

_“But then I found my love.”_

_“Then you lost the game.”_

Sunggyu lets her hold his hand in the grass and feels her fingers squeezing his hand and takes a long drink out of his cherry juice.  “Can you still see the colors?” He asks softly and his sister whimpers softly but she nods and Sunggyu wants to find Daehyun and punch him so hard he loses teeth. 

“Cheating isn’t the same as losing your soulmate forever,” she whispers it softly and the wind carries it off.  Sunggyu closes his eyes and flops over so his nose digs into the grass.  It makes him sneeze.  He relishes the feeling of the sun burning his back and he knows that by the time he gets up his skin will be red and by the next morning it’ll start to peel.  He hasn’t gotten a sunburn since he was eleven – he’s eighteen now.

He listens to the sound of his sisters sobs mixed with sound of grass moving in the wind and he takes a deep breath.  “I don’t understand what I did wrong,” Sunggyu stretches out his hand blindly and places it on her bulging stomach and sucks in a breath of air (it smells like dirt).   He just lets his hand rest there and it’s almost as if he can feel the baby’s heart beating against his hand. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Sunggyu tells her sincerely and he strokes her stomach gently and imagines a future coming home every day to a little boy (or girl) with tiny little fingers holding her hands out with a toothy smile and shiny gray eyes and dark black hair and a smile so big that it could melt even the wickedest of witches.  He imagines lifting him/her up in his arms hearing the squeals of joy and the fresh yells of “Uncle Gyu!” bouncing off the walls and he goes to squeeze his sister’s hand again.  “You really didn’t do anything wrong, he was an asshole.”

“I know,” her voice is thick with exhaustion and exasperation, she’s been told far too many times. “I know he is.”  She runs her thumb along the back of Sunggyu’s hand like she used to do when they were little and grabs his cherry juice pouch and takes a long swig.  If it were any other time, Sunggyu would have whined, but he lets her have it today.  He’d let her have all the cherry juice in the world if it meant getting rid of the pain she was feeling.  “It’s just…what am I going to do?  What will I tell the baby? It won’t even have a father.”

“It doesn’t need one,” Sunggyu rolls onto his back and he can already feel it starting to sting.  “It has you, and me, and mom and dad and that’s all it’s going to need.”  Sunggyu says it, and he means it.  It will be rough – he knows that it will.  He doesn’t expect it not to be.  But he also knows that it isn’t impossible.  But it doesn’t look like his sister thinks that way with the deep sigh she releases.  She runs her hand over her stomach with a frown taped to her face and Sunggyu repeats himself.  She hums as if she agrees and he knows she doesn’t.  He can’t blame her much, he knows he probably wouldn’t agree either.  He knows that no one would agree to that.  It’s not how society works anymore. 

“Maybe you should get LacR,” Sunggyu suggests and starts to rip out the grass and blow it into her face. He smiles when she wrinkles her nose.  He sits up and starts to make a picture on her stomach with the stalks of grass, he starts out by making a house.  “It’ll make you feel better,”

She laughs when a stalk of grass flows past her nose, Sunggyu can’t tell if she’s laughing because it tickles, or because the idea is too radical.  He figures it’s a weird mix of the two. “I don’t want to do that,” she opens her eyes and looks directly into the blinding sun and Sunggyu wonders if the sun is dimmer when you can see color because he could never do that without squinting and feeling like his eyes would burn off.  “I want to remember it, every last bit of it,” She closes her eyes again and Sunggyu can see her lips pulling into a smile. “It hurts, but it’s beautiful.”

He sighs, “This is why I’m going to get surgery.”  He mumbles under his breath and into the air, he hears his sister snort beside him.  “It’s much easier that way – none of this find your soulmate and pray they don’t leave you crap.” 

“But what if the person you find leaves you? That can still happen,” She warns him.

“It won’t hurt as much,” he deadpans and picks at the grass again to blow it in the air and watch the gray stalks float around for a while until they fall back down.  Some fall in pairs.  Some fall by themselves.  “Since everyone is crazy about this whole soulmate crap, it just won’t hurt as much.”  He says firmly.

She laughs, loud and rambunctious, but it isn’t a happy laugh.  Sunggyu can hear the pain in her laugh and even though she laughs herself breathless he can hear all that hurt in her voice and she turns to face him with hollow brown eyes and smile on her lips that looks so pained it hurts him to look at it.  “It doesn’t work that way, honey.”

Sunggyu rolls his eyes at the nickname and goes to stand up and maybe get another pack of cherry juice and his sister watches him leave with a smile still on her lips.  She calls out to him but he walks past as if he didn’t hear.   It won’t hurt as much, not when they’re not sure if they’re the right one.  It won’t hurt as much if he does it his way.

_“That’s not how love works Gyu, it’s still going to hurt,”_

_“But it won’t hurt as bad,”_

_“You know that isn’t true.”_

_“Just because it didn’t work for her doesn’t mean you have to get surgery,”_

_“I was going to get it anyway,”_

_“Can’t you just give fate a chance?”_

_“You’re going off to college now,”_

_“Yea.”_

_“Don’t do anything stupid,”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Sunggyu please just….don’t do anything stupid.”_

 

Twenty-two year old Sunggyu wakes up to the sound of his head smashing against piano keys and screams.  He jolts up and ends up banging his knees on the piano stool and lets out few cuss words and a whimper.   His hair sticks up and he hastily rubs his eyes before catching a glimpse of the time and groans,  “Fuck fuck fuck,”  he makes a mental note to burn Sungyeol alive and never trust him with wake up duty again.   His tall roommate is snoozing away and Sunggyu gets his revenge by turning his alarm off with a sly grin.

Sunggyu chuckles evilly and whispers to himself, “Revenge is sweet,”

He grabs his music sheets off the piano and scribbles off a few more notes before hastily signing his name and shoving it in his backpack.  He snatches a piece of toast and shoves it in his mouth and bolts out the door; praying he’ll catch the early train and get to class on time.  He calculates that if he runs – he can for sure make it, and if he walks, he has a fifty-fifty shot. 

So of course, he walks.  Kim Sunggyu is a music student, not a cross country runner

But in the end he ends up running when he sees his train pull into the tracks, and he’s at the other end of the subway.   Sunggyu groans again and ends up making a dash for it – he knocks down an old lady along the way and hears her grunt in pain.  But when she ends up cussing him out he keeps running because if she has the strength to swear at him, she has the strength to get up again.  Or at least get better if it was _that_ bad.  Sunggyu slips through the doors and cuts off the woman’s stream of curses and wears a triumphant smile.  It only stretches wider when he sees a text from Sungyeol calling him an asshole. 

And then the world changes.

The first thing Sunggyu notices is that everything isn’t gray anymore.  He doesn’t know what it is – he’s never learned what color the subway seats are.  He’s only learned that they aren’t as soft as they’re supposed to be and smell disgusting.  But they’ve always been just as gray as everything else.  And that color he’s staring at isn’t gray.  His heart plummets.  He didn’t want this.

Sunggyu tries to be as nonchalant as possible, but the more he keeps his eyes open the more his head feels like it’s going to split in half.  Everything is so vibrant and pops up at him that it makes his head swirl.  He manages to snag a seat next to an old man snoring with his head up against the window and pretends like nothing’s different, but then he sees the boy and feels ridiculously guilty.

He’s gorgeous – that’s the first thing Sunggyu thinks.  But the second thing he thinks that he’s his soulmate and he really doesn’t want to talk to him.   The boy has large eyes and he has stood up from his seat to scan the rest of the subway – probably looking for someone searching as frantic as he is.   Sunggyu assumes that his eyes are brown – his sister told him that most eyes are brown and he thinks that brown is a really pretty color.  The boy clings to the pole of the subway while dancing on his tip toes and a smile threatening to break out on his face and Sunggyu feels guilty.  He can’t just _not_ tell him. 

When he’s two stops away from his, Sunggyu clears his throat and approaches the boy.  “Um…can-“

The boy’s lips immediately form a smile and his eyes crinkle up and Sunggyu thinks it’s cute.  Now that he’s up close he can tell that the boy is a few centimeters shorter – but definitely leaner.  He also smells like apples and cinnamon and Sunggyu understands why his sister would be whisked away by the scent before the color.  “You can see colors, can’t you?”  The boy has a twinkle in his eyes and he can’t stop smiling, “Me too.  My name’s Woohyun.”

Sunggyu offers him a smile – much weaker – in return but Woohyun doesn’t seem to care.  He lets go of the pole and ends up throwing his arms around Sunggyu’s waist and pulling him tight against his chest.  Sunggyu lets out an awkward little squeak and his nose is filled with Woohyun’s scent.  It’s intoxicating – apples and cinnamon – he can’t blame his sister after all.  “I can’t believe I found you.” 

“Uh…”  Sunggyu pushes away from Woohyun, as gently as he possibly can, and clears his throat.  “I uh…don’t want to be rude or anything,” Woohyun’s eyes are still crinkled into a smile and he looks like a little puppy dog.  If this boy had a tail it would be wagging like crazy right now.  It makes everything so much harder.  “I don’t really like this soulmate stuff.”

Woohyun’s smile falls into a frown. He ends up taking a step back and Sunggyu gains his personal space back.  But his eyes are a little dimmer now, and Sunggyu feels guilt deep in the pit of his stomach.  “Oh…”  Sunggyu figures he should say something to fill in the gap, to keep the conversation going, but his stop his announced and he couldn’t be more grateful for it in his life. 

“Well…this is my stop.  Um it was….it was nice meeting you, sorry this probably wasn’t what you expected,” Sunggyu rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and ignores the way Woohyun’s eyes widen with fear. 

“W-Wait!”  Woohyun grabs onto his arm, gently.  And Sunggyu sees his puppy dog eyes and his heart wrenches.  Woohyun is unbearably cute – but that doesn’t mean he’s throwing everything he’s ever dreamed about out the window.  “Can’t you just give this a chance?  Please?”

The doors open and Sunggyu tosses Woohyun an apologetic look, but the boy speaks quickly, slurring his words together like his sister used to,  “I work at a coffee shop at the corner by the library at the next stop, you know the one I mean right?”  Sunggyu reluctantly nods.   “Come visit me sometime, please?” 

Sunggyu gently pushes his arm off and gives him a tiny smile, “Don’t get your hopes up.” 

He leaves the train.  He supposes he’ll have to tell his mother about this later.

 

_“You found your soulmate?”_

_“It doesn’t matter.”_

_“Sunggyu you can’t just not do anything about this!”_

_“Mom told me,”_

_“What’s your point?”_

_“My point is this isn’t just you, this is some other kid too, you’re ruining his life too,”_

_“I told him to his face,”_

_“That doesn’t make it okay,”_

_“It makes it understandable,”_

_“That’s not the same,”_

 Sunggyu doesn’t go for a long time.  He ends up putting it off with things like homework, exams, spring cleaning, feeding a cat, buying a cat to feed – just about everything he can think of.  But when his mother cuts off the monthly money that’s loaded into his bank account and Sungyeol almost cuts his head off when he doesn’t have enough for rent, he has no choice but to go.  His mother even gave him a crash course on colors just so he looked like he tried.

Sunggyu wasn’t planning on doing this ever – if not for his sake but for the sake of Woohyun.  This whole soulmate idea wasn’t his style and even if Woohyun was an okay guy, even if they were as compatible as possible (according to the world), Sunggyu just doesn’t think it’s going to work.   Simply because he won’t want it to.

But there he is, in front of the coffee shop with his laptop bag swung around his shoulders and his tousled brown hair (he was right about that color, but Woohyun’s eyes are a darker kind of brown than his hair – the kind of brown he could stare into for hours and get lost in). His eyes are also bloodshot – he hasn’t slept for the past twenty hours (he blames assignment due dates and anxiety and the fact that he really doesn’t want to do this).  He stands in front of the door for a while, debating the worst that could happen.   And when the whispers of strangers passing by get to hard to handle, Sunggyu sucks in a deep breath and pushes the door open. 

Sunggyu forgets about Woohyun once he steps inside.  The walls are covered in old-looking wood and there’s a fire crackling in the corner.  It’s the middle of May – but Sunggyu still thinks it’s a nice touch.  He runs his fingers over the walls and feels the course bumps against his fingers and inhales the scent of fresh coffee and vanilla and smiles.  “Kim Sunggyu is that you?”

Sunggyu looks up and he can’t stop the smile from spreading, “Hey, Dongwoo! Long time no see!”

Dongwoo finishes scrubbing down the countertop with a whistle and jerks his head towards a table in the corner (the one closest to the crackling fire and the red brick chimney and the sight itself makes Sunggyu’s heart warmer).  “Grab a table and I’ll be right with you,”

Sunggyu snags the table Dongwoo pointed towards and unzips his laptop bag and starts to set up.  He figures that it’s up to Woohyun to find him.  He puts on his headphones for good measure though, and opens up his editing program to get started on his next piece while he waits for Dongwoo. It’s been a few years since he’s seen him – they drifted in high school, but not insanely so to the point where they cut all communications.  Dongwoo was the one who introduced him to Sungyeol, after all, and Sunggyu figures he should ask if he can sell him back because Sungyeol’s an ass.

Dongwoo places a French vanilla coffee next to him and slips in across the booth.  “What brings you here?”

“Oh…nothing special…just saw the place and thought I’d stop by, it looked interesting,” Sunggyu chuckles lamely and hates how easily the lie is seen. But Dongwoo drinks it up easily and smiles in response, “What are you doing here? I didn’t know you moved out here too,”

Dongwoo shrugs, “It got bored after you left for college, and more school wasn’t on my agenda – so I came out here and opened this place up, been running it for six months,” Sunggyu whistles and Dongwoo blushes.  “But how about you, still on that whole never-want-a-soulmate thing?”

Sunggyu groans and thinks of Woohyun.  “I guess you could say that,” Dongwoo clicks his tongue and has a slight frown on his face.  Dongwoo starts to say something, but his words are drowned out by the sound of plates crashing to the ground. 

Sunggyu’s eyes shoot up and he meets those puppy-dog brown eyes again.  There’s a pile of shattered glass at his feet and Dongwoo jumps up but Woohyun whimpers like a helpless kitten, “Y-Y-You came!”

Dongwoo has a weary look and his eyes dart nervously between Woohyun and Sunggyu.  “Am I missing something here?”

“That’s my soulmate,” Woohyun and Sunggyu say it at the same time.  The difference in their voices is pretty clear.  Woohyun is chipper and happy and his cheeks are even dusted with a light pink and his large brown eyes are twinkling.  Sunggyu, however, sounds tired, a little stressed and his eyes have no glow at all.  But that could all be the lack of sleep.  Or the amount of stress.  Probably both, honestly. 

Dongwoo’s face morphs into shock but he manages to squish it quickly, he’s never been one to pry where it’s not needed.  “Um…right.”  He smiles lightly, “Well then Hyun, why don’t you and Sunggyu enjoy your time and I’ll clean up this glass.”

Woohyun immediately dips into a bow and the formality almost makes Sunggyu giggle.  Almost.  He does allow himself a small smile when Woohyun dances around the glass and occupies the space Dongwoo once took up.  “Hi!”  He beams.

Sunggyu swallows awkwardly, “Uh…hi.”

“You came,” Woohyun doesn’t bother to hide the large smile that stretches from ear to ear and his eyes crinkle up again and Sunggyu has to resist the urge to lean over and pinch his cheeks. 

“I…did.”  He doesn’t have the heart to tell his mother actually forced him.  His smile is too pretty for that.  “But I uh…”  Sunggyu searches for the right words, “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t hung up on this or anything…”

Woohyun’s smile falls into a frown and Sunggyu wants to reach out and reform it.  He looks much better with a smile.  “But your my soulmate,” Woohyun whispers.  “Meeting you has been my dream,”

Sunggyu sighs, “Avoiding you has been mine,”

Woohyun’s frown deepens, “I don’t understand why you would want to avoid your soulmate; we were literally made for each other,”

Sunggyu shrugs, “And I just don’t like that,” Woohyun eyes droop and Sunggyu rushes to explain, “Not that I mind that it’s you! I just…I want to fall in love for myself, you know? I don’t want to just rush into a relationship loving someone,”

Woohyun smiles at him, “We can take it slow,”

“That isn’t…that’s not really what I mean,” Sunggyu mumbles.

“But can’t you give this a chance?”  Woohyun looks at him with his huge brown eyes and Sunggyu notices his hair is the same color as his eyes with the most perfect curls and his lips are tainted a pretty shade of red and now that he’s paying attention his voice has a subtle hum to it that would make him shiver if he listened to it long enough.  “Just because we’re soulmates doesn’t me we can’t fall in love too,”

“Well…no but it kinda…defeats the purpose?”  Sunggyu rubs the back of his neck sheepishly and pretends he wasn’t just fantasizing about this boy.  Ignoring your soulmate is harder than he thought.  “I mean it’s not really going to work to say I fell in love with someone who turned out being my soulmate anyway, people will say it was meant to be,”

“Isn’t that the end goal in love anyway?” Woohyun’s eyes twinkle, “Don’t you want people to look at you and think that your love is so perfect it was meant to be?”

Sunggyu opens his mouth to retaliate but he can’t find the words, “Yea…I suppose so,”

“Then can’t we give it a chance? You can leave if you want to,” Woohyun has a big puppy-dog smile and his crinkly eyes make it impossible to say now.

“I guess I can give it a shot,” Sunggyu says weakly.

Woohyun cheers so loud Dongwoo has to shush him and ends up dragging him to the backroom when he still doesn’t quiet down.  Sunggyu thinks this whole soulmate thing seems like it’s going to be a handful.  Sunggyu pays for the coffee and scribbles down a quick note with his name and phone number on it. 

And now he needs to call his mom for money.

 

_“I told you it would work out!”_

_“It hasn’t…it’s just giving it a chance, that doesn’t mean –“_

_“It’ll work out, it works out for everyone.”_

_“It’ll probably work out if you try,”_

_“It didn’t work out for you,”_

_“Maybe I just didn’t try as hard as I should have,”_

_“So, you found a soulmate? Sucks dude.”_

_“Shut up Sungyeol,”_

_“No I…mean it.  I know how much this love thing meant to you.  I really am sorry.”_

_“Maybe you don’t have to be…”_

Sunggyu’s visits to the café end up becoming a regular occurrence and his table by the chimney has been secured – thanks to Woohyun.  He always has a black reserved sign stuck in the middle and a new vase of fresh roses every day and greets Sunggyu with the warmest smile he can muster.  Sunggyu would be lying if he said it didn’t make his heart flutter every time.

And in all his visits, they learn a lot about each other.  Woohyun learns that Sunggyu is in his final year at university studying music, he learns that his life goal is to become a composer and to get Color Corrective as soon as he can get the chance (he frowned at that – but he listened politely all the way).  He learns that his favorite color is red (he might change it to brown) and he learns that Sunggyu loves French vanilla coffee. 

Sunggyu learns that Woohyun just turned twenty and finished two years of culinary school.  He learns that Dongwoo hired Woohyun through a friend and that he’s the one that creates the recipes for their pastries (which are immensely popular, and after tasting one, Sunggyu can see why).  He learns that Woohyun doesn’t have a favorite color because he loves them all and he learns that Woohyun’s life long goal is to find his soulmate and live a happy life together.  Sunggyu squirms at that, but listens politely, too.

And Sunggyu also learns that he’s ridiculously lucky Woohyun is willing to take this soulmate thing slow just for him – he really is.

He comes into the coffee shop with dark circles rimming his eyes and yawns loudly.  Sunggyu has finals just around the corner and he hasn’t slept or eaten properly in a long time.  He needs to perfect his assignment – Kim Sunggyu doesn’t settle for anything less than perfect.  He eyes his table in a corner with a fresh bouquet of flowers and smiles to himself.  He sets up his laptop to work on the track he wants to submit for his project and waits for Woohyun, like always.

“So you’re composing again?”  Woohyun places a cup of steaming hot French vanilla in front of him and Sunggyu hums.  “Can I hear it?”

“It’s not done yet,” Sunggyu counters and yawns again, “I haven’t even got it all recorded yet,”

“But I want to hear what you sound like,” Woohyun smiles.

“You hear me talk every day,” Sunggyu laughs.

“You know what I mean!”  Woohyun whines and wears a cute little pout and Sunggyu resists the urge to reach over and ruffle his hair.  Woohyun would like it – he learned the younger is a huge fan of skin ship.  But he doesn’t want to get the poor boy’s hopes up so high so quickly.  “Can’t you sing for me just once?” He bats his eyelashes and Sunggyu threatens to return him to the pound, Woohyun gives him a confused look and Sunggyu shrugs it off. 

“We’re in the middle of a café, that’s strange,” Sunggyu takes a small sip of his coffee and hisses because it burns his tongue.  Woohyun laughs at him. 

“We can go to the backroom,”  He has that hopeful twinkle in his eye and Sunggyu sighs – it’s nearly impossible to say no to that twinkle.  “It’ll be quiet in there and no one can hear you…except for me,” Woohyun’s smile stretches.

 Sunggyu groans – but shuts his laptop and loads it back into his bag.  “This is going to sound strange without a piano,” Woohyun jumps to his feet all excited and Sunggyu releases a little chuckle. 

“It doesn’t matter,” he assures him, “It’ll be even more meaningful because it’s going to be you and only you,”  Sunggyu hides the blush that spreads on his cheeks with a cough and throws his laptop bag over his shoulder and follows Woohyun into the back. 

Woohyun shuts the door behind them and sits on the bench with an expectant smile and Sunggyu rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.  “You _really_ want this?”  Woohyun nods his head so hard that his hair flops into his eyes and Sunggyu snorts.  Woohyun blushes and pushes it back. 

Sunggyu clears his throat and pretends to adjust the zipper on his sweater – this is already painfully awkward.  It’s not that he’s nervous about singing, he’s done live performances before.  But with Woohyun’s eyes so wide and his smile so big it makes him nervous.  “Fine, you asked for it.” 

Sunggyu takes a deep breath and settles on _Light_.  He can hear his voice shake in places and it makes him mad that he’s so nervous for this stupid little puppy and he wrings his fingers together behind his back.  Sunggyu looks everywhere _but_ Woohyun when he sings and pretends to be as nonchalant as possible. He acts like he’s done this a million times because, well, he has.  He has done it a million times, but none of them have ever felt quite like this. 

He finishes with a cough and the room is silent.  He’s still a little weary to look Woohyun in the eyes so he tries to ease off the awkwardness, “Sorry my voice is kinda raspy, I’ve been practicing for finals coming up and have to get a recording finished so-“  Sunggyu’s cut off when Woohyun’s strong arms pull him into a hug.  He can feel his hair tickling the base of his neck and Sunggyu is stunned into silence.   He chuckles lightly and awkwardly (painfully so, skin ship just isn’t his thing) pats Woohyun on the back and laughs it off.  “I’m guessing this means you liked it, eh?”

Woohyun finally lets him go and Sunggyu suppresses the sigh of relief he wants to let out.  “Liked it? That was beautiful! Your voice was beautiful, I couldn’t hear it raspy at all; it was amazing!”  Woohyun’s eyes are big and bright and Sunggyu can see a little trace of tears in them.  He didn’t expect Woohyun to be _that_ moved. 

Sunggyu smiles – so wide that his eyes crinkle up, “You’re only saying that because you aren’t a professional and can’t hear the difference,” he chides and bites his lip, “But thanks,”

Woohyun returns the smile and points to the sofa off in the corner, “It was, but my real motive for bringing you here was sleep,” Sunggyu rolls his eyes and Woohyun gives him a pointed look, “You look like a raccoon and you really outta sleep a little or you’ll pass out,” 

“I can’t,” Sunggyu turns for the door but Woohyun blocks it with his body – and Sunggyu thinks there’s a lot of ways he could get Woohyun to move, but he doesn’t think any of them are appropriate.  “I need to finish my song before Monday!”

“Monday’s a week away,” Woohyun scolds and Sunggyu groans.

“But it’s…different!” Sunggyu throws his arms up in exasperation, “You need to work on music when you’re in the zone, or it just doesn’t come out as right.”  He crosses his arms and wears a pout and Woohyun coos and pinches his cheeks. 

Sunggyu snarls lightly and grumbles, “Loser,” before he can stop himself.  Woohyun also learns that Sunggyu’s number one way of showing affection is insults – so it only makes his smile stretch wider.  He raises his eyebrows and gestures towards the couch with his eyes and Sunggyu groans. 

But his eyes are getting droopy just thinking about sleep and he gives Woohyun a stern look, “I’m only doing this because you’re being a stubborn brat, just so you know.”  He places his laptop bag on the table and ends up falling on the couch, “And because this couch is soft,” He runs his fingers over the fabric and Woohyun laughs it.

“Sleep tight,” He shuts the lights off to the break room and leaves Sunggyu to himself and his thoughts. 

The last thing Sunggyu thinks of is his final project and cherry pies. 

 

_“You sound like you’re starting to like him!”_

_“He’s a fun kid I guess…I don’t think I love him,”_

_“It’ll come in time, you’ll see.”_

_“I want to get LacR…Mom told me not to,”_

_“I thought you said you wanted to remember?”_

_“Sometimes it’s easier if you forget,”_

_“So you and Woohyun are hitting it off well…”_

_“You want to tell me something, don’t you Dongwoo?”_

_“Please don’t hurt him…he’s an innocent kid. Just don’t hurt him.”_

 

Sunggyu opens the door with a tooth-brush half sticking out of his mouth, his hair a mess, and a t-shirt he’s been wearing to bed for the past week without washing.  It’s almost dinner, but it’s the weekend and Sunggyu just woke up.  He blinks at Woohyun (who is dressed in a suit, red tie included and that makes Sunggyu a little weary) and yawns (toothpaste almost falls out of his mouth). “Let’s get dinner, I have a surprise for you.”  Woohyun quickly briefs him on a few details and Sunggyu ends up raising an eyebrow.

“So…like a date?”  Woohyun nods his head enthusiastically and Sunggyu gives him that awkward chuckle again.   Woohyun insisted they go out to celebrate the end of his finals and even suggested that he had the perfect place.  Of course, all this was a surprise, and the only clue Woohyun gave him was dress nice.  

“I think I know you well enough to know that I picked the perfect place.”  Woohyun says smugly, “Now get dressed!”   He ushers Sunggyu back into his apartment while Sunggyu chokes on toothpaste at the suddenness (they’d been standing at his threshold – Sungyeol is in his room and Sunggyu has the right mind to fear he’ll be out in seconds and share things that should never be shared – especially not with Woohyun). Sunggyu wipes the toothpaste dripping down his chin away before he speaks.    

“You sound pretty cocky,” Sunggyu snorts, but that smug look doesn’t leave Woohyun’s face so Sunggyu sighs dejectedly and gets ready for what he guesses constitutes into being his first date with his soulmate.  What a joy this will be.  Thankfully, he gets to finish brushing his teeth so at least his breath is minty fresh for the evening.

But, it does turn out to be a joy, it truly does.  Sunggyu stares at the banner hanging above the concert hall and his jaw drops.  “No. Fucking. Way.”  Woohyun has that super smug smile on and adjusts his tie and places hand on the small of Sunggyu’s back.  “Nam Woohyun you…. _how_?”

“I pulled a few strings,” Woohyun shrugs.

“Do you know how hard I’ve tried to get tickets to this?” Sunggyu gasps, he throws his arms up in the air, “How did you even know?”

“You mentioned he was your favorite pianist at least ten times, Gyu,”

“Two things,” Sunggyu shoves his arm off and Woohyun pouts, “One, don’t call me doubt.” Woohyun gives him an unconvincing smile and Sunggyu whacks him on the head.  “Two, yea but you….how did you get tickets to Yiruma?”

“I told you, I pulled some strings.” Woohyun says again, as if it’s obvious.

“You can’t just….you can’t just pull strings to get into _Yiruma!”_ Sunggyu cries, completely flabbergasted. “You’re a long-lost nephew or something right? Oh my god you can be my soul mate all you want if this is what I get,” Woohyun scoffs and Sunggyu sticks his tongue at him.  “But really, how much did this cost?  I saved up for months anticipating getting these tickets…”

“Not a single penny,” Woohyun pops his lips and Sunggyu whacks him again, hard enough that rustles up his hair.  Woohyun only laughs and fixes it again, “I don’t know Yiruma personally, but I do know the owner of this building,” Sunggyu gives him an incredulous look, “Not related or anything, just an old family friend.  He helped me out when I told him my soul mate was crazy about this kind of stuff.”

Sunggyu rolls his eyes and pushes Woohyun into the concert hall.  Woohyun even managed to snag them seats closest to the stage – where the lighting is gorgeous and it’s almost as if the piano is right next to Sunggyu’s ear.  Needless to say, he loves this. 

And what makes it even more perfect, Sunggyu finds, is that Woohyun is right next to him.  He really doesn’t like that Woohyun’s his soulmate.  It goes against everything he’s ever wanted in his life.  But this gradual descent into a relationship is exactly what Sunggyu pictured it would be.  It isn’t anything different than what he thought…except that now he knows what red is and likes brown more than red (this may or may not be due to the fact that the chocolate brown of Woohyun’s eyes twinkles in the light and makes his heart skip a beat).   Sunggyu thinks this soulmate thing isn’t his cup of tea – but Woohyun’s made it his cup of French vanilla coffee.  Sunggyu can take that. 

So today, Sunggyu decides to be a little adventurous.  Or maybe the high from enjoying a Yiruma concert is messing with his senses.  Sunggyu reaches out for Woohyun’s hand and just holds it as if it were the most normal thing in the world.  He doesn’t miss the goofy grin that splits Woohyun’s face in two and has a hard time suppressing his chuckle.  “So does this mean we’re officially together now?”  Woohyun asks brightly.

“Kinda?”  Sunggyu shrugs and enjoys the way Woohyun rubs his thumb on the back of his hand.  “Don’t get to hotheaded just yet, we’re still taking this slow.”  Sunggyu chides and Woohyun salutes like a little puppy and this time Sunggyu actually laughs.  The old lady a few seats down bends over to give him a glare but Sunggyu is too happy to care.

Sunggyu decides that this soulmate thing may not be as horrible as he originally thought.

 

_“I told you it would work out,”_

_“It’s only going exactly how I wanted it to,”_

_“Right, right.  Either way, you finally got some sense knocked into you.”_

_“So you ended up happy with a soulmate after all, eh you big baby?”_

_“We’re still taking it slow you know, I could still back out.”_

_“You wouldn’t do that though.  You’ll end up loving him a lot.  Not because your soulmates, but because you love him.”_

_“So how many kids do you want in the future?”_

_“Oh my god Woohyun shut up.”_

_“I want at least five.”_

_“I’m going to dump you.”_

“A club?”  Dongwoo hums proudly and even Woohyun’s ears perk up at the idea.  “Do people in relationships even go to clubs?”  Sunggyu makes a weird gesture between himself and Woohyun which causes the younger to laugh and Sunggyu pretends to smack him.  “Isn’t that where you go to have hookup sex?”

“What a way with words you have,” Woohyun sings and Sunggyu rolls his eyes.  “I don’t know…I haven’t been to one in a really long time.”

“Which is why you both should come!”  Dongwoo cries, a big smile glowing on his face. “I don’t want to go by myself and you can just come to dance and have fun.  Take a few shots and enjoy the night, it doesn’t need to go anywhere else,”

Sunggyu gives them both a skeptical look, “I don’t know about this…”

And so, he ends up in a club taking shots with a team of idiots. “See Hyung, I told you it would be fun!”  Dongwoo downs a shot and pours another for himself and the other two.  Sunggyu can see Woohyun’s getting a little tipsy but he figures that the younger can control himself when needed.

“It’s not so bad,” Sunggyu rolls his eyes and clinks his glass with Dongwoo before downing the alcohol.  He can feel it running through his veins and figures he should stop.  He can’t bring himself to tell Dongwoo no when more alcohol is in his glass, though.

It doesn’t take Dongwoo long to slip away from the booth and into the dance floor – he was always the type to mingle even when they were young.  So it ends up being him and Woohyun that finish the bottle and Sunggyu gets to admire the beautiful redness on Woohyun’s cheeks and the laziness in his eyes.  Yup, he’s definitely drunk.  But Sunggyu isn’t faring much better.

Sunggyu’s had one shot too many and throws his inhibitions out the window when Woohyun’s mouth presses on his.  His lips stretch into a smile and he can feel Woohyun’s mouth doing the same against his.  It’s been a while since he’s been to the club scene – and he’s damn well going to make use of it while he gets the chance. 

Sunggyu tries to take the lead and push up his mouth against Woohyun but the younger won’t have it.  His tongue pushes deeper and Sunggyu can feel teeth grazing his bottom lip.  The kiss is sloppy – but it’s Woohyun so it’s okay.  He can feel Woohyun secure his hands on his waist and he’s so eager and it reminds Sunggyu of a puppy.  He smiles into the kiss because even his lips taste sweet and Sunggyu can’t even focus on the heat of Woohyun’s body pushed against his and he can’t even register that his back is pressed up against the wall and the alcohol washes over him.  All he can think is that this is so Woohyun.  This kiss just screams Woohyun.

Woohyun breaks away with red lips, swollen and full and his cheeks are dusted pink.  His pupils are dilated and the brown is so rich that Sunggyu is sure that this is his color.  Brown is his color.  Woohyun’s perfectly styled hair is tousled and messy (Sunggyu figures that was his doing) and the younger boy is panting – out of breath and has the most beautiful smile on his face.   He goes to kiss him again and slip his hands beneath Sunggyu’s shirt and the elder laughs.  “Eager, aren’t we?”  Woohyun lets out a relentless whine and smashes his lips on Sunggyu’s again.  Sunggyu chuckles when their mouth meets but he doesn’t refuse. 

“Private,” Woohyun breaks from his lips again to mumble against his throat and feel Sunggyu’s veins tingle against his lips when he laughs again.  Woohyun presses his lips on them and speaks again, “Let’s go somewhere private?”

“My house or yours?”  Sunggyu pulls Woohyun up by his cheeks and can see the lust glowing in his eyes.  Deep down Sunggyu can hear the rational part in him telling him to stop – he shouldn’t go this far until it’s serious; at least not with Woohyun.  Sunggyu tells that rational part to can it and steals Woohyun’s lips for another kiss. 

“Too far,” Woohyun grumbles and presses his thigh knee against Sunggyu’s thigh and the elder hums in pleasure.  “Closer.” 

“I’m not for public sex,” Sunggyu chuckles when Woohyun intertwines their fingers and leads him towards the men’s bathroom.   But that thought lays forgotten when Woohyun has him pinned against the cool tiles and his long fingers are slipping under his shirt again.  Sunggyu bites back the noises threatening to escape his mouth but Woohyun forces them out with his lips.  “W-Woohyun we can’t –“

“I love you.”

Sunggyu pauses.  “W-What?”

“I love you. I love you so fucking much.”  Woohyun pushes at his lips but a feeling of guilt sinks into Sunggyu’s stomach and he gently pushes Woohyun off.  But drunk Woohyun doesn’t get the hint and wraps his arms around Sunggyu’s waist and pulls him against his stomach nibbling softly on his ear and whispering over and over, “I love you.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  I love you.”

The alcohol makes Sunggyu’s stomach hurt and Woohyun’s words make his heart burn.  “Woohyun I….I don’t think…I’m…” 

Woohyun nuzzles deeper into his throat and continues, “I love you so much.  You’re my soulmate, I could never ask for a better one, I love you.” 

And it crashes on him.  Sunggyu can’t do this.   Sunggyu thinks about how against soulmates he is.  The fear of commitment tingles in his heart.  What if he decides not to do this? What it doesn’t work out? Is the soulmate thing really a hoax? He’s always believed so – he can’t change that. He won’t. He won’t let Woohyun change that. The alcohol buzzes into his brain again and goes to all the wrong places – he shoves Woohyun against the bathroom floor and ignores the look of confusion in his eyes.  “I don’t,” Sunggyu whimpers and Woohyun’s eyes are still confused – and clouded with lust.  “I don’t love you.  I’m not ready for this…I…I’m sorry.” 

Sunggyu’s storming out of the restroom and out of the club before Woohyun can even register that he probably fucked up. 

Except he didn’t. 

 

_“Did something happen last night?”_

_“I just felt a little sick,”_

_“Did something happen with Woohyun...?”_

_“…”_

_“Hello?  Sunggyu? Hello?”_

_“So, he declared his love for you, and you walked out,”_

_“I’m not ready for that!”_

_“You’re an asshole,”_

_“Thanks, captain obvious,”_

_“You know, just because it happened to me doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you,”_

_“I didn’t say it would,”_

_“Then why are you so afraid of commitment?”_

_“It’s meant to work out! You can’t leave the poor boy, I didn’t raise you like that!”_

_“It doesn’t always work out, it didn’t for Noona.”_

_“That doesn’t mean it won’t for you.”_

Sunggyu doesn’t visit the café for a long time.  He holes himself up in his room and ignores Sungyeol trying to break down his door every other day to get him out.  He slips out at midnight, grabs some ramen and returns to his cave.  He doesn’t have the ability to face anyone right now – especially not Woohyun. 

Speaking of, the younger has attempted to call him quite often, but Sunggyu hasn’t dared to pick up once.   It’s so often that whenever his iTunes is on shuffle and Drifting Apart starts (it’s the song he set as his ringtone) he actually cringes. 

All the time locked in his room doesn’t go in vain, however.  He does still attend his classes – and gets a load of good material for them.  He caught his professor humming the tune to the latest track he submitted.  It was a sad, slow song about fucking up life and losing soulmates and basically everything going wrong with Sunggyu and his shitty life.

Well, at least he got an A.

Sunggyu ignores his growling stomach as long as possible until he can literally feel his insides screaming at him.  He lets out a deep sigh and glances over at the clock.  It’s only eight – Sungyeol’s bound to be lounging around on the couch waiting for him to emerge and give him shit about ruining Woohyun’s life.  And Sunggyu’s too, apparently.  He’s gotten that a lot recently.  But he hasn’t eaten since morning and if he doesn’t eat _something_ he just might eat himself. 

Sunggyu grudgingly swings his door open – he doesn’t bother to be quiet, Sungyeol will catch him anyway – and stomps into the kitchen and starts boiling water for his ramen.  And searching through the cabinets makes him hiss – Sungyeol ate the last package of creamy chicken and Sunggyu imagines ripping his head off to add to his ramen as a consulate.  But then he figures Sungyeol tastes gross and decides against it. 

“Nice to see you out and about,” the devil strolls into the kitchen and places a mug into the sink.  “I’m surprised you can show your face around after ruining someone’s life,”

Sunggyu tosses him a glare, “Are you ever gonna quit it with that?” he hisses, ripping open the sauce packet with his teeth (quite vigorously – it makes Sungyeol shudder) and sprinkling it into his pot.  “I told him at the beginning, it might not work out.”

“But you didn’t say you’d bail on him like this,” Sungyeol reprimands, “I’m sure he was expecting some kind of formal break up,”

“We were never formally together,” Sunggyu spits at him and slurps a sip of his Ramen.  It’s good; but not as good as the creamy chicken. 

“So do you plan on ignoring him for the rest of your life?” Sungyeol raises an eyebrow.

“You trying to say that’s impossible?” Sunggyu shoots back.  He almost feels a bit guilty at the exasperated sigh Sungyeol lets out.  He’s only trying to help – Sunggyu knows that.  But he just isn’t in the mood. 

“Whatever, you inconsiderate asshole,” Sungyeol thwacks him on the head and shoves an envelope in his palm.  “He asked me to give that to you, It’s your choice whether you read it or not.  But you really outta.  Poor thing is completely devastated and you’re the one being the jerk.”

“I specifically _told_ him-“

“It still makes you an asshole,” Sungyeol ducks out of the kitchen before Sunggyu gets to smack him.   Sunggyu turns the envelope over in his palm a couple times and ignores his ramen boiling over the pot.  He yelps when hot water nearly hits his toes and turns down the stove quickly.  The water settles to a light simmer and Sunggyu sighs – long and slow. 

He opens the letter and after the first few words he knows he’s the world’s biggest asshole. 

_“I’m really sorry.”_

Sunggyu doesn’t even bother to read the rest of the letter.  He just groans loudly and crumples it up in his fist.  He fists his hair and screams so loud Sungyeol comes rushing into the kitchen.  Before the boy can open his mouth Sunggyu snatches a jacket and shoves shoes on his feet.  “Where are you going?” Sungyeol demands.

“To knock some sense into an idiot.”  He slams the door behind him and storms down the hallway – steam rising out of his ears. 

Woohyun’s apartment isn’t far – only a simple bus ride.  But the time it takes for Sunggyu to get on the bus and actually make it to Woohyun’s door is more than enough time to make him completely reconsider his decision. 

He has no idea how to even _start_.  He ends up standing around Woohyun’s front door for a good five minutes staring at the brass knocker and trying to fix his disheveled hair in the camera of his phone and almost turns back at least ten times.  But Sunggyu feels like shit and Woohyun deserves better than him.  So much better.  But he stuck around and the least Sunggyu owes him is an apology.  He gathers all his courage, and knocks on the door three times and waits in silence.

The door opens just a crack – and Sunggyu makes eye contact with Woohyun while he slowly pulls it open and Sunggyu can see he looks dead.  He looks as though he hasn’t slept in months and his hair has thinned out a little bit.  “Hey.” 

“H-hey,” Sunggyu stutters and Woohyun looks down at his feet.  “I…I’m sorry I was an asshole.”

Woohyun shuffles his feet awkwardly.  “You weren’t…I was just…I thought that…yea.”  Woohyun lets out a hollow chuckle.  “I went into it kinda fast…”  Woohyun looks up at Sunggyu and mumbles under his breath, “…but ignoring me was pretty assholeish.”

Sunggyu laughs lamely, “Yea that….that was dumb.”  He scratches the back of his neck nervously. “I just…I got scared.  I don’t really approve of this just yet still.  I still don’t know if I ever will, to be quite frank,” he ignores Woohyun’s ears drooping. “You did go into it fast.  But I handled it like an idiot.”

Woohyun grumbles a small, “You sorta did.” Under his breath and Sunggyu thinks it’s so like Woohyun.  He didn’t read the apology letter – but he can practically rewrite it word for word.  It was probably Woohyun apologizing, but insisting it was partly Sunggyu’s fault too.  Taking the blame – but pushing it on Sunggyu as well.  That’s just how Woohyun was and his small, pouting face makes Sunggyu chuckle and ruffle his hair.  Woohyun looks up – a little shocked.  “S-So are we….cool? Like…friends cool? Or…”

Sunggyu answers him with a soft peck to his lips.  “I can’t say I love you. But you’re still my boyfriend and I’m still yours.  Besides, that kiss was actually pretty decent.”

Woohyun grins stupidly (It doesn’t stretch to his eyes – Sunggyu notes) and presses a peck to his lips too and wraps his arms around his waist.  Sunggyu feels Woohyun’s hair tickle the sensitive skin on his neck but his words make his heart swell the most. “I missed you.”

_“So you decided to stop being an asshole, eh?”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“Yea, yea.  Just refill my ramen supply.”_

_“You know, you made up.  But don’t lead him on.”_

_“I’m not.  He knows very well-“_

_“Just because he knows it, doesn’t mean he feels it.  Feeling is different from knowing, Gyu.”_

_“I told you this stuff worked out!”_

_“Yea. Hey…did Noona know about Daehyun before she caught him?”_

_“Why would you ever suggest something like that?”_

_“I just…was curious.”_

 

 

The next time Sunggyu visits the café – Woohyun is falling to pieces.  He’s sniffling like crazy and Sunggyu hears the croak in his voice.   His hair is disheveled and his eyes look heavy – Dongwoo tosses him a weary look every now and then but Woohyun keeps repeating his welcoming greeting like a mantra.   He sneezes loudly and Sunggyu swears he sneezed out an organ.  “Dude.  Take a break.”

Woohyun sniffles and shakes his head. He goes to do another greeting, but a large sneeze takes the place of words and Woohyun groans and rips his apron over his head and whips it to the ground.  He vaguely mumbles to Dongwoo he’s going on break and Dongwoo watches him slump into the break room.  He barely manages to give Sunggyu a sign before the older man chuckles and follows Woohyun. 

He finds him half on the couch and the boy lets out a groan when Sunggyu kicks him lightly. “What’s wrong?” He asks teasingly.

“I’m sick.” Woohyun whines – he sniffles for emphasis and Sunggyu chuckles.  He places his hand on Woohyun’s forehead – no fever.  Probably just a cold.  “My nose is stuffed, my throat itches and my left eye won’t stop fucking watering.”

“So basically…the common cold.” Sunggyu chuckles and ruffles his hair.

Woohyun snarls and shoves his hand off. “You suck.  You’re my boyfriend, you’re supposed to take care of me lovingly.”

Sunggyu actually snorts and Woohyun groans louder. “You’ll be fine by tomorrow morning,” he gives him a few rough pats on the back for emphasis and ignores the strangled groan Woohyun lets out.   “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll sit here with you until you go back, yea?”

“You’re boring anyway,” Woohyun huffs and Sunggyu laughs.  It makes him smile a little at how far their relationship has come.  They’ve really grown closer (the insults are only out of love, after all).  It almost makes him feel like he truly would enjoy spending the rest of his life with Woohyun.  If only to wake up every morning and annoy the shit out of him.  

Woohyun’s hand fumbles around until he finds Sunggyu’s fingers and let’s a content hum (accompanied by a series of sniffles) and interlocks their fingers.  Sunggyu clicks his tongue in annoyance but lets it slide and even starts to play with Woohyun’s hair a little bit.  It feels soft and always smells like strawberries.  Sunggyu loves strawberries.

“Hey Hyung?”  Woohyun mumbles and Sunggyu can see that he’s half-conscience.  He figure the cold kept Woohyun up last night.  He hums as an answer.  “Can you promise me something?” 

Sunggyu starts to feel a little skeptical.  The last time Woohyun wasn’t completely in his senses things didn’t go to great.  “What is it?”

“Even if…even if you decide not to be my soulmate,” Sunggyu’s heart wrenches at his words, “Can we still be friends?  I…I really like you.  Even if we can just be friends, I’d like that.”

Sunggyu smiles lightly and places a small kiss to his forehead, “Of course you idiot, I wouldn’t be able to live if I couldn’t annoy the shit out of you.”

“I hate you.” Woohyun grumbles and Sunggyu lets out a laugh.

 

_“That’s a heavy promise.”_

_“It’s just being friends.”_

_“It’s not easy to be friends with someone you imagined as a lover, it’s more complicated than that.”_

_“It’s Woohyun’s birthday soon right, what did you get him?”_

_“If I told you, you’d tell him. I’m going to get it wrapped tomorrow.”_

_“Wow, you’re trust in me is phenomenal.”_

_“Hyung, let’s be friends forever, okay?”_

_“Woohyun we aren’t seven.”_

_“Yea but…I still want to.”_

_“Okay.”_

Sunggyu taps his foot impatiently as the woman carefully wraps Woohyun’s gift.  He wasn’t the best at wrapping – and he didn’t trust Sungyeol with secrets.  He’s giddy to give it to him next week – it’s a small little key chain with Woohyun’s name engraved into it.  It’s a heart (a little lovey dovey for Sunggyu’s tastes) with a beautiful swirl of red and brown that Sunggyu just couldn’t resist.  It may be small, but Woohyun’s an idiot that will love it anyway.  The lady giggles at him and Sunggyu sneers.  She promptly shuts up. 

Sunggyu’s vision goes black for a second.  Sunggyu clutches his head and shuts his eyes tight.  He vaguely hears the woman talking to him but it sounds distant and hazy.  Sunggyu shakes his head and blinks a few times to clear his eyes and when he opens them the woman looks mildly concerned.  He goes to tell her he’s okay but then he notices. 

The key chain isn’t red and brown anymore. 

It’s a weird gray.

 

_“Hello? Sunggyu?  Sunggyu where are you? Woohyun got in an accident! He - BEEP”_

_“Sunggyu you’re in the hospital right, I heard that Woohyun–BEEP“_

_“Sunggyu? Sunggyu are you –BEEP“_

_“Stop hanging up on everyone.”_

_“I don’t give a shit,”_

_“Hey Hyung-“_

_“I swear if you say anything morbid or-“_

_“I love you.”_

_BEEP._

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

After two months, as expected, Sunggyu avoids everyone he possibly can as much as he possibly can.  He gets at least twenty texts a day – usually a fifty/fifty ratio of his mom and his sister.  Sometimes Dongwoo jumps in and throws the balance off but Sunggyu doesn’t bother to reply to any of them.   He hasn’t responded to anyone in weeks, and nowadays people have resorted to calling Sungyeol to ask about him.

To be quite frank, Sunggyu is surprised he takes it, Sungyeol isn’t the type to take shit.  Yet without fail, Sunggyu hears his phone buzzing in the kitchen and he hears the tired sigh Sungyeol lets out and hears his voice come out exasperated and exhausted.  That’s the best way to put it – Sungyeol’s pretty damn exhausted.  But he still talks to the person (his mom? Sister? Dongwoo?) without fail, even if it’s just a quip, “Yea, he’s still holding up.”

He supposes it’s better than the first few weeks after Woohyun passed.  He barely remembers that time – it’s hazy in his mind.  He remembers smashing his apartment and things swirling in his eyes and he remembers slamming Sungyeol into a wall and he remembers punching him until his nose bled.  But he can’t quite put it all in order. 

He can’t remember if Sungyeol crumpled to the ground in pain before or after his nose was busted and he can’t quite remember if he pulled Sunggyu against his chest and let him sob until his favorite Nirvana T-shirt was soaked and he can’t remember what color the vase he smashed against the wall was.  He can’t remember if it was the pretty stain-glass one where the sunshine shone through and illuminated it until the colors danced on his wall – the same one where Woohyun would lay on his wood floor and ask him what shade of red his favorite was and Sunggyu would sigh and demand they were all the same. 

His knuckles were usually bloody those first few weeks.  They were always covered in scabs or fresh blood, his eyes were just as red (not that he could see it, anymore) and blood-shot and he slammed down everyone that approached – with his words or with his fists.  Needless to say, Sunggyu was a complete wreck. 

He still isn’t doing any better, honestly. 

He still looks like shit, too.  He wakes up every morning to see thick bags under his eyes, his hair has thinned out to a mess and it’s usually greasy all the way from the roots to the ends.  He lost those cheeks Woohyun loved to squeeze and he looks more like a stick than a person but no one says anything to him.  Well, not that he sees anyone that would. 

Sunggyu truly does feel bad for the way he’s acting.  But he’s in too much of a funk to fix it.  He can tell people are careful around him these days, and usually he hates that kind of shit.  Right now though, he’s grateful.  Grateful that whenever he hears two sets of feet waltzing around his apartment they never enter his bedroom.  Thankful that Sungyeol always ends up backing him up with some bullshit excuse whenever someone does demand to see him.  He wouldn’t be able to make it through otherwise. 

Sungyeol still tries though, he offers to take him to the new Marvel movie he’s been dying to see (he was going to go with Woohyun), he bought him Yiruma tickets (Woohyun was planning to get them), and he even tried to learn how to brew a French vanilla (it didn’t come out like Woohyun’s) and Sunggyu doesn’t give him the time of day.

Really, he’s surprised Sungyeol’s holding up like this.  Sunggyu thinks that if the positions were reversed he would have kicked his roommate’s ass for acting like such a stuck-up brat.  He lost his soulmate, big deal.  Sunggyu would have gave him some long-ended speech about life going on and other old shit he used to say before he met Woohyun. 

But that seems to be the big problem.  He couldn’t do that anymore.  Not now that he knows the taste of Woohyun’s lips and the shimmer in his eyes.  It’s kind of ironic, Sunggyu thinks.  Sunggyu thinks of his sister losing her soulmate all those years ago and he thinks of the broken down people that have lost theirs trudging to work and trudging home to an empty bed.  Sunggyu feels his stomach gurgle and his lunch crawl up his throat at the thought that he’s become one of them.  He’s become the grumpy old people that have no one to love so they hate everyone. 

Really though, he always hates everyone, so it isn’t much of a change.  Still, he lets out a tired sigh and ruffles up his hair so it looks semi-decent and takes a quick trip in the bathroom to splash some water on his face.  It doesn’t do much – you can’t erase weeks of damage with a splash of water.  Sunggyu opts for slipping a hoody over his head and keeping the hood up. 

He slips on a pair of jeans and kicks the door open with his toe, it crashes against the wall with a loud smash and Sunggyu winces.  Sungyeol – who was previously on the couch – jumps to his feet to follow the noise; his mouth literally drops when he sees Sunggyu waltz past him and slip on a pair of sneakers.  He doesn’t even complain that they’re his favorite pair that Sunggyu was never allowed to touch.  “You um….you going somewhere?”  Sungyeol chooses his words carefully, as if Sunggyu is fragile, as if a single world will make him crumble and slither back to his room.

The way Sunggyu’s been acting, Sunggyu can’t really blame him for it.  “I’m in the mood for some coffee, Dongwoo makes a mean French vanilla and I need it right now.” 

Sungyeol opens and closes his mouth a few times while Sunggyu laces up his (Sungyeol’s) shoes.  “Okay uh…” Sungyeol searches for the right words to say, “Um…bring be back a Pumpkin Spice?  And uh…tell Dongwoo hi.”  He finishes lamely and Sunggyu’s lips barely twitch into a smile.

“Yea, sure.”

 

_“Um...you’re okay now...right?”_

_“Of course I am.”_

_“Good...just...good.  That’s good.”_

 

_“I’ve barely made it to the shop and you called, Noona?”_

_“Sungyeol texted me.”_

_“It’s not like I’ve never left the house before.”_

_“You haven’t left it feeling so dead, before.”_

 

_“You’ll be okay, right?”_

_“Probably not, honestly.”_

_“Funny isn’t? Both of our love lives are really fucked up.”_

 

 

Dongwoo’s lips stretch into a smile so big Sunggyu thinks his lips are going to fall off.  He can’t offer him much in return, his smile is tiny compared to his.  Dongwoo’s stretches high on his cheeks and Sunggyu feels that familiar bubble of happiness.  His doesn’t stretch that high, it doesn’t even stretch a quarter of that.  It makes him a little bit jealous that so much happiness glows on Dongwoo’s face.

But more than that, it’s warming.  Very warming.  Sunggyu gives him a tired look, “Hey Woo, what’s up?” 

If possible, the light in Dongwoo’s eyes shines brighter.  “Nothing much,” he chirps and starts humming warmly, “But I think the world is gonna end soon.”  He gives Sunggyu a pointed look and the latter only rolls his eyes. 

“It’s not like I haven’t come out _ever_ ,” Sunggyu snorts (he can’t remember the last time that he has, though. And as if Dongwoo can read his thoughts a small bit of sadness glistens in his eyes, a little bit of hurt, and it all occurs to him that he isn’t the only one hurting.  That maybe he’s deprived Dongwoo of _two_ friends instead of one.)

Dongwoo smiles softly, “But you haven’t come out to see me...or anyone for that matter.  Sungyeol lives in the same room as you and I don’t think he’s seen your face for the past two months,”

“It’s only been one and a half for him…” Sunggyu trails off remembering the large purple bruise that he decorated Sungyeol’s face with.  He should probably apologize for that...but it’s Sungyeol so maybe not.  Dongwoo snaps him from his thoughts with a light chuckle and a steaming cup of French Vanilla pushed in his direction.  Sunggyu smiles, a little wider, a little happier. “I didn’t even order.”

When Dongwoo smiles at him again, it isn’t big.  His teeth don’t show and his eyes don’t crinkle.  But Sunggyu thinks it’s the most warming, understanding smile that he’s ever gotten and it makes tears well up at his eyes.  He wipes them away roughly and Dongwoo speaks, “You didn’t have to, Hyung.”

“Sungyeol wants…”

“Pumpkin spice, skinny, no whip.” Dongwoo recites. “In other words, white girl coffee.”

Sunggyu sniggers, “its Sungyeol...he’s probably going through some phase again.”  Dongwoo starts fiddling with his machines and hums in response.  Sunggyu takes a careful sip of his coffee and is thankful that Woohyun and Dongwoo have an entirely different style of making coffee. It would be hard...otherwise.  “So...how...have you been?” 

Dongwoo rolls his eyes, “Aren’t you just the king of small talk?”

Sunggyu grumbles, “Excuse me for making an attempt,” 

Dongwoo stays quiet for a long time.  So long that the hot water to make Sungyeol’s coffee heats up too much and boils over.  Sunggyu only silently sips his coffee.  Dongwoo speaks and his voice his so quiet over the sound of the bustle in the coffee shop that Sunggyu almost misses it.  Almost. 

“I’ve been the same as you, Hyung. But I’m getting better, too.”

Sunggyu gives him a quiet nod and watches the coffee swirl in his cup.  He imagines Dongwoo punching a wall like he did, or maybe breaking someone’s nose, or locking himself away for weeks, or just being an overall dick.  He can’t.  He can’t imagine Sungyeol doing it either, or his mom, or anyone he cares for.  “I was a real ass, wasn’t I?”

Dongwoo pushes the pumpkin spice in his direction and trades for his empty cup of French Vanilla.  “Yea, you were.”

Sunggyu nods his head as a goodbye and chuckles at Dongwoo’s rambunctious waves and chipper smile.  He takes a sniff of Sungyeol’s coffee and wrinkles his nose.  Pumpkin isn’t Sunggyu’s thing - it probably isn’t Sungyeol’s thing, either - but he’s tempted to take a small sip just to see what Sungyeol’s new “big” thing is. 

Before he gets the chance, Sungyeol’s precious pumpkin spice is staining his hoodie and scalding his skin. 

Sunggyu lets out a low snarl and looks up from his precious hoodie with the meanest glare he can muster, but the boy he intends to yell at is already incredibly flustered.  “Holy shit I’m so sorry!”  The boy looks up and flinches back under Sunggyu’s gaze.  His eyes are wide and fearful and he curls back like a kitten, it almost make Sunggyu want to pat his head and give him a treat. He’s dressed like a kitten too, there’s a large scarf coiled around his neck and if the boy so much as ducks his head a little bit Sunggyu’s sure it will swallow him up.  The sweater looks warm, too, with small bits of wool sticking out and it looks handmade.  Sunggyu’s eyes drop to the camera hanging at his stomach, the strap that loops around his neck is lost somewhere beneath that mountain of a scarf, but it looks expensive all the same.  And if Sunggyu looks to his face, he can’t deny the boy his handsome.  All sharp lines and bold features, his eyes could probably be piercing if he tried. 

 _If_ he tried. 

The boys eyes keep darting back from Sunggyu’s shirt to his face and Sunggyu really wishes he could see what color they were.  “It’s not really a big deal,” he shrugs his shoulders but the boy flushes deeper.  Sunggyu thinks he’s definitely handsome, but also annoyingly apologetic.

“N-no! I can...buy you another cup? Um is the shop far from here? Or I can give you my number and we can…” The boy pauses and his face goes at least ten shades darker red (it’s almost amusing, to Sunggyu, but he thinks the kid is going to piss himself and feels kinda bad).  “Not that I want your number!”  He squeaks quickly, “I just think I should…”

Sunggyu puts a hand over the boy’s mouth and the kid and his incredibly dark eyes (could they be brown? They’re so dark Sunggyu thinks they’d be pitch black even if he could see).  “It’s really fine, it wasn’t my coffee anyway,” He takes his hand back and chuckles nervously.  If this kid looks anymore scared people are gonna think he’s trying to kill him.  And in the state he’s in, it wouldn’t be unbelievable. 

“I’m sorry, really I am!”  The boy goes into a deep bow and now _Sunggyu’s_ cheeks redden at the people starting to stare at them – this kid is really making a scene.

“Hey listen, kid, don’t worry about it,” Sunggyu brushes it off and tries to get him to quit acting like he shot the queen of England, “It’s just coffee, it’s honestly no big deal.”   Sunggyu finds it pretty ironic that the first person he’s being nice to in weeks is some clumsy stranger with a camera around his neck. 

“B-But your coffee, and your hoodie, and I…shit I’m really sor-“The boy starts wringing his fingers together and he looks like a little kid. That or an awkward puppy...a _really_ awkward puppy.   He ducks his head and his innocent eyes are sparkling with a little trace of fear.

“Listen, its fine.”  Sunggyu crosses his arms and declares sternly.  The boy ducks his head lower and Sunggyu lets out a groan.  He gently pushes him up by the shoulders (his bare hands confirm that the sweater _is_ warm, and most definitely hand-made if the stitching is anything to go by.)  “Kid people are starting to look at me like I’m gonna kill you, it’s _really_ fine.”

The kid gives Sunggyu a kicked puppy look that makes him feel like he actually _did_ walk around town kicking puppies and stealing candy from children.  Piercing features and all, this kid sure has his pouty look down.  “M-Myungsoo.” He says suddenly and then tries to cough away his embarrassment into his hand.  “My name is um...Myungsoo.”

Sunggyu raises an eyebrow and resists the urge to smirk, it would probably scare the kid more.  “Right um...well it was nice err...ok it wasn’t so nice meeting you,” Myungsoo flinches a little and lowers his gaze, “But it’s really fine...just uh...don’t worry about it, okay?” 

Myungsoo nods carefully but lifts his head as to say something, but Sunggyu doesn’t stay to hear it.  He abruptly turns on his heels and starts in the other direction.  He thanks the lord that this Myungsoo kid is probably to awkward to follow him...kid seemed like he’d choke up just _trying_ to order coffee. 

 

_“You’re not the only one that misses him,”_

_“I know but I’m…”_

_“The one that needs him back the most.”_

_“Exactly.”_

 

_“You could get LacR, you know.”_

_“I can’t...I want to remember him,”_

_“But it’s killing you,”_

_“Then let it.”_

When Sunggyu holes himself up again, apparently Sungyeol decides to stop letting his bullshit slide after a while.  Sunggyu supposes he should thank him for that, he really should, but he wants to shove a sock down his throat and watch him choke to death.  “Can’t you go back to ignoring me? I think I prefer that.” He snaps.

Sungyeol raises an eyebrow, hands on his hips and scowl etched into his face.  “Absolutely fucking not, I’m done taking this shit. You didn’t even get me _coffee_ last week.” 

“I told you some kid made me spill it on myself! You saw the stain!” Sunggyu cries.  He curls back into his hoody and reaches for the remote but Sungyeol snatches it from the coffee table and promptly puts it on the highest shelf…the one that no one else can reach.  

Sunggyu, too lazy to pounce on him, lets out a long groan of protest.  “Listen I’ll go to the studio later, later this week, okay? Just not…just not now, _please_.” Sunggyu pleads, and Sungyeol can see the desperation in his eyes. 

Sungyeol shuts his eyes tightly for a few moments and the bitter silence makes Sunggyu grimace.  “Listen, I can’t do that.  I want you to go today, you’re sister wants you to go today.  And just because….” Sungyeol trails off with a sigh but continues quickly after, “Things have happened, you can’t do this to yourself.  You went out to coffee _once_ looking like complete shit.  That’s not better.”

Sunggyu doesn’t say anything to him. 

Sungyeol groans loudly, “Look, Hyung, I really didn’t want to be the bitchy roommate that tried to make you better, okay?  I wanted to give you space and shit because I _know_ you.  I know you hate positivity and you hate people waltzing around telling you life’s gonna get better because it won’t.  Life’s a fucking bitch and you know that as well I do.  But the fact of the matter is it’s _always_ gonna be a bitch.”

Sunggyu scoffs and turns back to the T.V, “You really outta consider applying to become a motivational speaker, you sure seem to have the attitude down,”

“Stop changing the subject.” Sungyeol snaps harshly and Sunggyu feels anger starting to simmer again.  He opens his mouth to snap at Sungyeol and then thinks of Sungyeol curled on the floor, clutching his nose and he feels a twinge of guilt.  “Just please Hyung, just today? Don’t musicians drown out their sorrows in music? At least give that a shot.”

Sunggyu doesn’t say a word to him.  He just quietly gets off the couch and gives Sungyeol a tired look.  He still doesn’t speak when he slips on his jacket and gym shoes (not Sungyeol’s, this time) and takes one step out the door.  Sungyeol doesn’t ask where he’s going, if he’s going to listen, but just let’s out a tiny little thank you before Sunggyu shuts the door behind him and starts down the stairs of his shitty apartment building.

Sunggyu shoves his hands into his jackets to keep his fingers warm and starts a slow journey to his studio.  He wonders if the keyboard has cobwebs on it yet, and he wonders if Sungyeol’s been paying to keep the place running.  He hasn’t been doing shit for two months, and sure his landlord for his apartment was pretty understanding of that, gave him two months rent-free.  But for his studio?  The landlord that rented that to him was always a little shithead.  And Sunggyu doesn’t really have the energy to face him. 

He doesn’t really have the energy to even _go_.  He hasn’t touched his keyboard in ages, doesn’t really want to, either.  He just remembers Woohyun sitting on top and his musical laughter fitting in with the notes and Sunggyu takes a shaky breath.  Thinking of Woohyun doesn’t help him much, it’ll only make him turn back and Sungyeol will throw another hissy fit.  Or even worse, he’ll just sigh and let him become a hermit again.  Sunggyu can take the sigh, but not the look of disappointment that will surely go along with it. 

So of course, Sunggyu does his best to walk as slow as possible.  And what better way to make his journey even _slower_ by stalling?  And the perfect way to stall presents itself as well.  

The first thing Sunggyu notices is the scarf.  He really wishes he knew what color it was, it looks like it would be something vibrant and bright.  Sunggyu can’t see most of his face, it’s covered by the lens of his camera, but he catches the smile on his lips.  It’s big, like Dongwoo’s, but it’s sincere.  It’s an innocent smile and it’s one of pure happiness.  Sunggyu doesn’t know if Myungsoo’s found his soulmate, doesn’t know much except he clearly wears that scarf and handmade sweater everywhere, but if he hasn’t, Sunggyu doesn’t think he quite needs to.  All the love the boy could possibly have is invested into the tiny machine in his hands. 

Without much else to do, Sunggyu decides to call out to him.  Might be able to get a cup of coffee out of the kid and stall some more, if he’s lucky.  It’ll be awkward as hell for sure, from what he’s seen, but Sunggyu goes against his better judgement that screams ‘ _you’re about to talk to a stranger!_ ’ and goes for it anyway, “Hey, Myungsoo!” 

Sunggyu doesn’t call that loudly, but Myungsoo still jumps and his head shoots up.  Sunggyu faces those wide eyes again and can’t help but smile slightly.  Myungsoo immediately looks away, and Sunggyu can’t help but wonder if his cheeks are red, they have to be, he thinks.  Myungsoo looks back to a few children (he must’ve been taking a picture of them, based on the angle of his camera) and he meets the eyes of a few snappy looking parents. 

Sunggyu leisurely strolls over and watches Myungsoo toss an apologetic look at a pair of parents ushering their children away while giving him the evil eye.  It makes him laugh a little, what kind of person takes pictures of kids without permission anyway, it’s almost creepy.  “Sorry, were you busy?”  He jerks his head towards the leaving children.

Myungsoo, of course, starts to stutter.  “Busy? Uh…no…um…I was just taking pictures,” He holds up his camera (still refusing to meet Sunggyu’s eyes, enough that it kind of pisses him off).  “Nothing great...did you…want coffee? To compensate for last time, I mean?”

Sunggyu crosses his arms over his chests and gives him a look.  “Well, I was gonna ask, because I’m bored.  But you look like you’re scared shitless of me, so maybe that’s not the best idea.”

Myungsoo raises his head and eyes go wider (if that was even possible).  “I do?  I’m not!” he assures. 

Sunggyu glares harder and Myungsoo shrinks back a little.  “Well your eyes are just a little scary,” he whimpers and Sunggyu scoffs.  “But I’m sure you’re a nice person,” Myungsoo tries to amend, obviously terrified Sunggyu’s going to eat him.

“Listen, I’m not gonna cook you up so don’t worry about that,” Myungsoo gives him a weak smile.  Sunggyu is just about to angrily give up and storm off, potential coffee forgotten.  He’s stalled enough anyway. 

But then, something pretty fucking unfair happens.  (At least, Sunggyu thinks so, when he looks back on it later.)  “Soo? What the fuck are you doing with the biggest asshole alive?” Sunggyu recognizes Sungyeol’s voice immediately, what surprises him, is that Myungsoo does too.

“Yeol!”  Myungsoo’s smile immediately stretches to its full length – like when he was holding his camera – and his eyes crinkle up and he strolls forward with a happy look in his eyes. 

The first thing Sunggyu thinks, is: “What the hell?”

It doesn’t take long for Myungsoo to get to Sungyeol’s side, and it makes Sunggyu jealous.  He’s at least five times nicer than Sungyeol, but the kid chooses to be _his_ friend.  That’s messed up, the world is a messed up place, Sunggyu guesses.  “I should be asking that question, what the heck are you doing with my best friend?”  Sungyeol raises an eyebrow at him, “Did he do something stupid? He does that a lot,”

Myungsoo squawks out an angry snarl, “I do _not!_ I only get into bad situations at bad times, I just have shitty luck!” 

And Sunggyu is incredibly surprised.

Myungsoo did a complete 180.  One second he’s cowering under that stupidly large scarf and the second Sungyeol jumps in he’s standing as tall as he possibly can (although he still looks like an awkward puppy, but a happier one, at that).  And then, it starts to click, “Wait…is this _that_ Myungsoo?” 

Myungsoo blinks.  “You know me?”  A look of confusion quickly morphs to horror and he slaps Sungyeol on the shoulder, “What have you been telling people about me you asshole?” 

Sungyeol snorts, loud, “Me?! I haven’t said anything! I just told him you were coming into town shithead!” Sungyeol puts on his best innocent eyes, “Why do you always assume that I always tell people about the stupid shit you’ve done?”

Myungsoo narrows his eyes.  “Because you do.”

Sunggyu coughs awkwardly in the background and thinks that _wow, this is not fucking fair._ He feels a little like a third wheel, and these two aren’t even soulmates.  But Sunggyu’s heard Sungyeol skype someone named Myungsoo before, and, has heard a lot of the shit Myungsoo’s done too.  He can’t tell you what though, he usually tones those out because Sungyeol could talk about Myungsoo for hours.  “So um, this is Myungsoo.  You’re best friend Myungsoo that moved to Seoul two week ago?”

“Yea, I’m surprised you remembered, considering…”  Sungyeol trails off and Sunggyu notices even Myungsoo starts to fiddle with his camera, slightly uncomfortable.  Myungsoo knows then, which means Sungyeol really is close to this kid, because Sungyeol doesn’t tell things to just _anyone_. 

He isn’t angry at Sungyeol for telling Myungsoo, he’s angry at Myungsoo for being _scared_ of him but clinging to Sungyeol.  Even going as far as to swear at him.  He’s not _that_ scary, for God’s sake.  Maybe a little snarky, but not scary enough to make the kid stutter like a wounded animal about to be eaten.  He narrows his eyes at the two of them.  “Well, I’m Sunggyu, but it sounds like you already know that,”

Myungsoo gives him a sheepish smile, “Err…yea I guess so.  Um…so do you still want that coffee?”

Sunggyu gives Sungyeol a shit-eating grin and shrugs, “It wasn’t mine – it was his.”

Sungyeol makes a face at him until it dawns on him.  “You were the little shit that spilled MY coffee on him!” he screeches.

“Wait it was _his_?”  Myungsoo smiles slyly, “Never mind then, clearly compensation isn’t needed.”  Myungsoo pivots on his heels and starts walking away, speed-walking away, he looks like a hobbling little penguin in that dumb scarf and Sunggyu giggles a little. 

“Wait what? You fucking – ugh Hyung go to the studio, I gotta deal with something.  KIM MYUNGSOO, YOU GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE FUCK. I WANT MY PUMPKIN SPICE.”

All of Sunggyu’s suspicions are confirmed when he hears Myungsoo shout back, “You don’t even like that shit!”

_“You made it to the studio? You actually went?”_

_“I’m not that horrible of a person you know – your friend seems to think so, though,”_

_“Soo? Nah, he’s just stupid.  He’s terrified of all strangers.”_

_“Sungyeol said you went to the studio today,”_

_“I did.”_

_“Good…I’m…yea.  Good. I guess.”_

_“I miss you a lot, you know.”_

_“So much I might write a song about it and make it a hit single,”_

_“I hope it…makes you laugh….god I’m not crying, really. I just…I just fucking miss you.”_

The next time Sunggyu spends his day lazing around his couch a few days later, Sungyeol plops down next to him with a long red mark on his face.  It doesn’t look deep, but it does look funny.  So funny that Sunggyu can’t help but point at his face and laugh so hard the breath leaves his lungs and he’s choking on air for a while. “What the fuck happened to you?” He squeezes out between gasps. 

“Fucking Kim Myungsoo is a piece of absolute shit,” Sungyeol crosses his arms over his chest while Sunggyu still breaks out into little bursts of giggles.  It’s really hard not to, once you take a look at his face.

“Did Myungsoo finally realize you were a piece of shit and attack you? Because good for him, if he did.” Sunggyu’s laughter dies away and he settles back into the couch, prepared to tone out whatever stupid thing Myungsoo did today, he’s not interested in someone he’s not friends with anyway.

Except, this time he doesn’t.  He listens to how Myungsoo just _had_ to save the baby kitten from this evil dog, and he just _had_ to get a few pictures of it and of course it _had_ to be Sungyeol who moved it to the park because the scenery was better.  Myungsoo couldn’t risk having any damage done to his camera.  And _of course_ the cat liked Myungsoo more.  _Of_ course it rabidly scratched at Sungyeol in a series of hisses and meows and of course it cuddled into Myungsoo’s legs the second he let it down. And _of fucking course_ it did because cats are attracted to their own kind. 

Sunggyu raises an eyebrow at that, “Last time I checked, he’s human, not a cat,”

Sunggyu snorts, “Bloody acts like one, sometimes he’s a cuddly monster, but you touch him while he’s with his camera and he’ll bite your hand off.” 

“Or sometimes he’s just scared shitless,” Sunggyu adds in and Sungyeol gives him a blank look.  “He’s scared of me, I think.  Always starts stuttering and his eyes get so wide whenever I talk to him.  Of course, it was only twice, but he doesn’t seem to like me much.”

This time, Sungyeol starts to laugh until his lungs crave oxygen.  Sunggyu scoffs indignantly, “Dude, it’s not funny, I’m pretty sure your best friend hates me.”

“No!” Sungyeol croaks out, he wipes the tears from his eyes and lets any remaining little giggles escape.  “No you fucking idiot, he doesn’t.”  Sunggyu gives him a pointed look. “He’s just…” Sungyeol pause for a moment, “He’s just Myungsoo.  It takes him a shit ton of time to start talking to someone without stammering, he just isn’t very open to people.”

Sunggyu shrugs and reaches for the remote to brush off the topic, but Sungyeol has better ideas.  “Hey wait, give me your phone?”  He doesn’t wait for Sunggyu to hand it to him, but digs around the couch for it himself and unlocks it (Sunggyu angrily demands how he knows the password, but Sungyeol ignores him, as usual) and starts punching in some numbers.

“What the hell are you doing?”  But Sungyeol doesn’t answer, just shoves his phone back with a new contact “Myungsoo” shining on the screen.  “I don’t need his number, I don’t have a crush on him or anything.”  Sunggyu sighs.

“I know that,” Sungyeol’s eyes quickly dart toward the face down picture of Woohyun on the counter, but quickly returns to the conversation, “It’s just that I think it would do him good,”

Sunggyu rolls his eyes, “How is this gonna do him any good?”

“He just…doesn’t have much, you know?” And Sungyeol looks away and it hits Sunggyu that he’s serious.  That he really wants this to happen.  “Myungsoo just has a lot of trouble talking to people. He really only had me and his family growing up.  Really loving people they are, but out here in Seoul…I can’t be there for him all the time, and well, I trust you’re not gonna hurt him.”

Sunggyu wants to laugh, because that sounds really fucking cheesy, but he can tell that Sungyeol is serious.  Sunggyu just sighs instead, and flips on the TV and settles back into the couch.  He glances at his phone for a second before deciding to fuck it, and types out a quick text and tosses his phone across the couch.

 

_“You’re babying him too much, he’s an adult.”_

_“Yea but he’s got these cheeks you wanna squish, he’s the type of kid that makes you wanna baby him,”_

_“You’re an idiot, Sungyeol.”_

_“Hey, this is Sunggyu, Yeol’s dumb and gave me your number.”_

_“Oh yea? Well um, hi then.”_

_“You really suck at this whole friend, thing don’t you?”_

_“So?”_

_“Slowly, Noona.  I’m getting over it slowly.”_

_“No one ever said it would be a fast thing.”_

The next time that Sunggyu finds Myungsoo, he realizes that the kid is a klutz. And Sungyeol is one hundred percent right about him.  At first, Sunggyu watches from the side, waiting for the encounter to finish before he goes to talk to Myungsoo, maybe even make fun of him a little, to break the ice. 

“I can um…pay for dry cleaning? Buy you another coffee? I’m really, _really_ sorry,” Myungsoo whimpers and those big eyes widen and Sunggyu can’t help but smile a little.  It falls off quickly, however, when the ass of a guy Myungsoo’s talking to snorts in his face.  Sunggyu starts to frown.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? Thanks to your stupid ass I’m five minutes late to a really important meeting.  You wanna pay for my dry cleaning?  A skinny little brat with a camera could never _dream_ of affording my dry cleaning.  Fuck that – you wanna compensate? Pay for the three million dollar business deal I lost, how about that?” 

If Sunggyu could see color, he bets Myungsoo’s face at least became five shades paler and something sparks in him.  Sungyeol really is right, the kid makes you want to baby him.  He makes you want to pinch his cheeks and punch anyone who dare lay a finger on him.  He’s a cute kid really, too cute and innocent for his own good in a big bad place like Seoul.  “I um…I really am sorry, it was an accident, I swear it was!” 

Myungsoo squeaks when the man starts to curl his fists into his scarf, and that’s when Sunggyu starts to step in.  The man is shorter than Myungsoo, shorter than Sunggyu too, and his arms are slightly muscly in places that would be a bit terrifying to face, if he didn’t have Myungsoo by the scarf.  Sunggyu wraps his fingers around the man’s wrist and puts on his best snarl. “How about you leave him the fuck alone, asshole?”

The man rips his wrist out of Sunggyu’s grip and gives Myungsoo a dirty look.  “ _He_ was the one that spilled coffee on _me_ ,” the man says rather indignantly, “And _he_ is the one that made _me_ late.” He snorts again. “And I’m a very important staple to this meeting, I could get fired if I don’t give my presentation on time thanks to this brat,” he snaps.

Sunggyu steals a glance at the golden-plated name tag attached to the man’s breast pocket.  “Listen here, Howon,” the man blinks at the use of his name, and Sunggyu likes the feel of being in power. “ _He_ also apologized way more than you clearly deserve.  So the kid made a mistake? So what? Give him a break, and you’re not getting any business deals done if you have an attitude that shitty.”

Howon sneers and turns up his nose, reminds Sunggyu of a pampered poodle that’s been to way to many dog pedicure appointments.  He has to force back a smile, at that.  Howon gives one final click of the tongue at Myungsoo and mutters something under his breath that Sunggyu can’t quite catch.  But judging by the way Myungsoo ducks his head, it wasn’t anything pretty.  “What an ass.”  Sunggyu says, loud and proud as Howon stomps off.  “Don’t waste your time apologizing to a dick like that,”

“Well it _was_ my fault,” Myungsoo mumbles, digging his nose into his scarf.  Sunggyu wonders if it’s red from the cold, he wishes he could see.  He’s always had the urge to see color since Woohyun’s passing, but he feels it most strongly with Myungsoo.  Probably because he’s the first person he’s actually become friends with again.  If you can even really call them that.  “But thank you!”  Myungsoo almost drops into a deep bow, but Sunggyu stops him quickly by the shoulders.

“Wow there tiger, let’s not attract attention now,”  Myungsoo gives him a sheepish smile and Sunggyu returns a small one, still much smaller than he’s used to, but a small one all the same.  “So what’re you up to around here anyway?”

And that, Sunggyu finds, was his ticket into Myungsoo’s heart.

He holds up his camera with a swell of pride, “I was just taking pictures, I like going around town and taking lots of pictures.”  Myungsoo has a smile on his face, like he did when he first spotted Sungyeol.  And it makes Sunggyu’s heart a little warmer that even if the smile isn’t _directed_ at him, Myungsoo wears it while talking to him. 

“So you like taking pictures, right?  Sungyeol mentioned it was a hobby of yours,” Sunggyu starts walking and as expected, Myungsoo starts trailing after him.

“It’s not really a hobby,” Myungsoo mumbles and fiddles with a few buttons, “I really want to go somewhere with it, but it’s uh…not easy, I guess. So it’s gotta be a hobby for now.”

Sunggyu steals a glance at his watch and thinks back to the stupidly awkward text conversations he’s had with Myungsoo and sighs and decides to fuck it again.  “When’s the last you ate today?” 

Myungsoo thinks back for a moment and shrugs, “Haven’t, I was too busy,”

Sunggyu makes a face, but doesn’t comment on the fact that it’s nearly five in the afternoon and no way in hell that’s healthy. Sunggyu really isn’t one to talk about health, not when he knows the feeling.  He _is_ a songwriter after all, and when you’re in the zone for art, you can’t just not grab the opportunity.  “Wanna grab something?  Hyung’s treat, tell me about your camera, and stuff.”

Myungsoo smiles softly, “Did Sungyeol put you up to this?  You don’t have to-“

“Yup.” Sunggyu shrugs, “But if I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t.  So just get a coffee with me, or something.  Besides, I’d really love to hear some stuff about pictures.  I gotta start thinking about getting cover art done for an album I’m gonna release…uh….well someday,” Sunggyu finishes lamely.  Myungsoo isn’t the type to comment on it though, at least, not yet.

 They end up swinging by Dongwoo’s café, ordering a few cups of coffee and talking for hours.  Except Sunggyu barely gets in a few words.  It becomes pretty clear that the key to Myungsoo’s heart rests around his neck.  It isn’t even boring, Sunggyu likes listening to him talk. 

He chatters about filters and scenery and Myungsoo delves deep into the importance of lighting and all this high-tech camera stuff that Sunggyu didn’t even think of. He tells him that he applied to get his pictures accepted into a well-known magazine, and it would make his world if even one would make it.  He even asks Sunggyu what theme his music is, and that shocks him.   But Myungsoo’s eyes are wide and eager and Sunggyu ends up singing him something because he wants to.  He really wants to know what kind of design Myungsoo would come up with. 

“It’s called The Answer,” Sunggyu tells him and looks away shyly with wistful thoughts that his cheeks must be red right now.  Too bad Myungsoo can’t tell.  “I wrote it a little after…”

“Black and white.” 

Sunggyu blinks, “What?”

“The theme, it should be black and white, it fits the tone I think.  And you could add the tiniest splash of color to the cover too, it would look nice.”  Myungsoo rattles on as if he’s too awkward to stop, but the smile on his face says otherwise. He means it, he means every word.  “And I think black and white would suit you, Hyung, because...um…”

“Can’t see the colors anymore?”  Sunggyu finishes.  “That’s an interesting metaphor going on there,” Sunggyu wipes off his sad smile with a question of his own, “How do you know so much about color anyway? You can’t see them.”

“I learned a lot about them,” Myungsoo explains, “My mom told me all about them,”

Sunggyu laughs, “Of course she did idiot, everyone’s mother tells them about colors.”

Myungsoo frowns that same pouty frown he gives Sungyeol and Sunggyu counts this as a friendship victory.  “That’s not what I mean!” Myungsoo huffs and Sunggyu chuckles.  “My mom taught me what color feels like, you know?  The sky isn’t just blue, it’s like…um…” Sunggyu is sure he’s reddening, embarrassed probably, “It’s like you’re in a room, by yourself, but it’s not scary because it’s really bright. And it’s the perfect amount of windy, you know?  Not too windy but windy enough that it’s a light breeze. And it’s like there’s light piano in the background, comforting kinda, and not classical but like, a hazy thing to it.  Is that the right way to say it?”  Myungsoo stutters over his words, “Er…well it probably isn’t but um…it’s like this feeling that your light.  Lighter than a feather and you’re floating on the top of the world.  That’s what sky blue feels like.”

Sunggyu doesn’t speak and Myungsoo looks down, “If you’re gonna laugh at me like Sungyeol…”

“Just because Sungyeol’s an asshole doesn’t mean everyone is,” Sunggyu rolls his eyes.  He pauses for a moment.  “She’s right, you know.”  Myungsoo looks up with those wide eyes and Sunggyu feels much, much older.  “About the sky? That’s exactly how it feels.”

Myungsoo smiles at him.  Not the shy one, but a sincere one.  One that reaches down and touches his soul and it makes Sunggyu smile back.  “I’m glad you understand that, Hyung.”

 

_“Tell me about more colors. I want to know how they feel.”_

_“Which ones? All of them? There’s a lot.”_

_“We’re friends, aren’t we? We’ve got all the time in the world.”_

_“Yea, he talked about you today.”_

_“He did?”_

_“Said you believed that stupid color bullshit he pulls.”_

_“It isn’t bullshit, he’s got it spot on and you’re an asshole for making fun of that.”_

_“I heard you made a friend.”_

_“Sungyeol, huh? Yea, Myungsoo’s a nice kid.”_

_“Good…I’m glad you’re finally opening up again.”_

_“Yea Noona…thank that kid, I don’t think I would’ve if it wasn’t him.”_

It doesn’t take long for Myungsoo to become a frequent visitor at their apartment.  In fact, over the course of three months, Sunggyu ends up rummaging for clothes and pulls out a cardigan of Myungsoo’s from his sock drawer.  And of course, Sunggyu doesn’t let it go.  He never lets these things go.  “How many of these do you even _own_?”  He rolls it into a ball and whips it at Myungsoo’s face, who is currently hanging upside down over the couch with his legs draped all over Sungyeol in weird ways.  Sunggyu’s stomach twists a little bit but he ignores it.

“At least ten,” Sungyeol chimes in, lazily flipping through the channels.  “Loves them as much as his camera, the loser.”

Myungsoo scoffs and whips the cardigan at Sunggyu’s back, misses, and whines for Sunggyu to pick it up and give it back.  And surprisingly, Sunggyu obliges, he has kind of a weak spot for the kid.  “They look professional, it completes the young photographer look.”

“The one you don’t have?”

Myungsoo sticks his smelly feet into Sungyeol’s nose and the elder jumps off the couch like a screeching koala, leaving a cackling Myungsoo and Sunggyu laughing so hard milk squirts out of his nose.  “I hate you!” Sungyeol cries and glares at Sunggyu, “The both of you!” He slams his favorite gym shoes on his feet and slams his way grumbling out the door. 

Sunggyu is quick to replace him, plopping on the couch with a cup of coffee under his nose.  Myungsoo doesn’t waste much time snuggling against him.  Sunggyu learned that Myungsoo cuddles…a lot.  And Sunggyu doesn’t mind it much.  He can almost hear the vibrations in Myungsoo’s chest as if he’s purring, as if he’s an actual kitten and he likes it.  It feels homey, Myungsoo feels homey. 

Sunggyu likes to run his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair.  And judging by the way Myungsoo closes his eyes and the weight of his head gets heavier against his chest, he likes it too.  It reminds him a lot of Woohyun, the way Myungsoo cuddles up against him.  It reminds him of Woohyun curling up on his side and the way Woohyun’s curls would get caught in the tips of fingers and the way he’d have to be careful to get them out, careful to keep from waking him up.  So, so careful. Myungsoo’s voice breaks the silence, “Are you thinking of him?” 

Sunggyu doesn’t speak for a long time.  He thinks.  He thinks that Myungsoo does not tread around the question carefully.  He likes that, it shows that he’s come far.  He smiles that it was only a few months ago that Myungsoo was crawling around fearfully, afraid of setting off the fuse that was Kim Sunggyu.  It makes him happy that Myungsoo doesn’t bother with that anymore.  That if the fuse sets off, so be it, he doesn’t give a shit.  He focuses on Myungsoo’s breathing, the steady rate of his heart doesn’t spike, and he doesn’t squirm or get impatient.  If Sunggyu doesn’t answer he’ll probably fall asleep.  If Sunggyu doesn’t want to talk about it, Myungsoo won’t pester him to. So he speaks.

“There’s never a moment that I’m not,” Sunggyu continues to card his fingers through Myungsoo’s hair.  “He was an idiot, you know? A really stupid idiot.  Like…imagine Sungyeol times twenty,” Myungsoo laughs that dumb snorty laugh he has that makes his nose scrunch up like a piglet and Sunggyu resists the urge to pinch it.  “I think you would’ve liked him, but you would’ve been scared of him,”

“You think so?”  Myungsoo looks at him incredulously, “Sungyeol says he was nice though,”

“He was, much nicer than I am,”

“That isn’t hard, Hyung.”

Sunggyu smacks him lightly, “But he was too happy for you.  He was almost too happy for me too.  I’m sure you know I never was one for the soulmate thing, and then this ball of sunshine jumps into my life with a smile painted on his face 24/7, it was quite the jump.”  Sunggyu chuckles, “He was too social for you, Myung, you’d retreat back into your awkward shell.”

Myungsoo’s argument consists of nothing more than a grunt, he really can’t argue much because he almost cried himself to sleep spilling coffee on Sunggyu _once_.  “I don’t really believe in it much, honestly.”  Myungsoo stretches out his arm (careful not to lift his head, Sunggyu’s chest is too warm) and starts to flip through his photos.  There’s a lot of Sungyeol, and there’s a lot of Sunggyu too and there’s a lot of animals and kids and random things.  But Sunggyu knows they aren’t random to Myungsoo, and he feels a swell of pride whenever Myungsoo swipes by a picture of him. 

“Soulmates? I didn’t either, but then I met him.”  Sunggyu laughs to himself, “Sounds cheesy as shit, huh? It’s really true though, you won’t be saying these things once you find your soulmate.”

Myungsoo mumbles something.  Something so quiet that Sunggyu can’t hear it.  It’s so quiet he can’t even tell if Myungsoo even bothered to open his mouth.  “What did you say?”

Myungsoo smiles shyly, and Sunggyu frowns.  He hasn’t seen that smile in months.  Myungsoo shakes it off, “I said that I’m not a big cheeseball like you; I’ve already found my soulmate anyway,” Sunggyu snorts and catches Myungsoo’s eye on his camera.  He rolls his eyes, Myungsoo’s favorite thing to insist is that his camera is for sure his soulmate.

“That doesn’t count you loser.”

Myungsoo waves the camera in his face, it’s a picture of Sunggyu smiling grandly into the camera.  His teeth are showing and he’s not even looking into the lens.  It’s a nice candid picture, Myungsoo says it would do well for the album he wants to release.  He put the filter on black and white with a splash of red down the center and Sunggyu really, _really_ wishes he could see it.  “This is all I need in life, Hyung.  Even if it’s not my soulmate.”

Sunggyu carefully takes the camera from Myungsoo’s grasp and sets it gently on the table. 

Then he shoves Myungsoo’s face into the couch despite his cries of “Ok fine, _fine!_ I’ll find my soulmate! Hyung stop!” 

Sunggyu finally lets him go and chuckles at the loose hairs sticking to his forehead.  Myungsoo gives him his signature pouty face and Sunggyu puts his hair back together.  “Good, see?  Hyung is always right?” 

Myungsoo mumbles something else, something along the lines of “Hyung is too much of an asshole to accept being wrong,” 

Sunggyu decides to let it go…not.

_“I found him already, I’m sure that I have. But I don’t have the colors to prove it.”_

_“What did you say?”_

_“I said that I’m not a big cheeseball like you; I’ve already found my soulmate, anyway”_

_“That doesn’t count you loser.”_

_“Ok, ok you’re always right! Always right! Not an asshole! Let me breathe!”_

_“Oh Myungsoo, you’re such a respectful boy, you know? Always know what’s best.”_

_“Sometimes I really hate you Hyung.”_

_“Nah, you love me too much.”_

_“Unfortunately.”_

When Sunggyu opens his door at 5 am; to say he’s annoyed is a bit of a stretch.  He’s absolutely _furious._  The sound of incessant doorbell ringing makes him groan and he whacks at air a few times before he realizes that Sungyeol is not gonna get it.  Even if he’s awake, Sungyeol isn’t gonna get it. 

So Sunggyu angrily shoves his blanket off, hisses at the cold air, and shoves on his bunny slippers in a little bit of a rage.  He’s prepared to punch the shit out of _whoever_ dares wake him up at such an ungodly hour.  He starts planning their death already; he can get a guy who owns a couple of crates, and he could get another guy that owns a boat that could “conveniently” lose a bit of cargo in the middle of the Indian Ocean.

But he doesn’t get to put too much thought into his plan because the second he opens the door and starts his long-ended speech about the importance of sleep and that he doesn’t want whatever the fuck this person is selling, he’s tackled into a bear hug. 

It takes Sunggyu a moment to register that he’s not being murdered.  “Myungsoo?”  His voice is smothered by a yawn and he has to wipe the sleep from his eyes but when his attacker pulls back he finds it is most definitely Myungsoo. 

His hair is still sticking up in places and his eyes still look red from sleep.  In fact, the idiot hadn’t even bothered to change.  He’s got those stupid pajama bottoms with the frog on and a T-shirt with a ketchup stain by his neck.  But of course, he just had to grab a dumb cardigan and that dumb scarf.  “What the hell are you doing here so damn early?”

Myungsoo doesn’t offer him much explanation, just shoves a paper under his nose and rushes off to drag Sungyeol out of bed.  Whatever Myungsoo wants must be important, judging by the loud screeching and interesting arrangement of cusswords that come from Sungyeol’s mouth. 

Sunggyu finally has enough sense to give the paper Myungsoo shoved at him a quick skim. 

_Dear Kim Myungsoo,_

_Enclosed is a consent form, we would be honored if you would agree to have your photos-_

“Holy shit!”  Sunggyu gasps.   “This is that magazine you were talking about right?  The one you submitted pictures too?” That manages to drain the sleep from Sungyeol’s eyes and he’s scrambling for the letter and starts to speed-read. 

In the meantime, Sunggyu gives a gurgled sound of joy and pulls Myungsoo back in for a hug.  “You little shit, you actually made it!”  Myungsoo makes a weird squealing sound and squishes him back, Sunggyu thinks he’s speaking, but he doesn’t quite catch the words, he’s too happy for him to care anyway.

“You little shit, you’re gonna be famous!”  Sungyeol pries Myungsoo away to put him in a headlock and ruffle up his hair.  Sunggyu’s smile falls, just a little bit, small enough that he doesn’t even notice.  But he misses the warmth, Myungsoo is always warm, he’s like a walking furnace and his apartment is cold.  Really.  But Myungsoo’s smiling in Sungyeol’s arms and his smile is so wide and his teeth are showing and Sunggyu feels the tiniest bit jealous.  But he pushes the thought out quickly because he’s only jealous because he wants to be that close with Myungsoo too, it’s just a friend thing, it really is. 

Sunggyu ends up buying them ice cream later, to celebrate.  He has to be coaxed into it, of course.  But the duo of Myungsoo and Sungyeol whining is enough to make him crack and buy them a cone for the sole purpose of shutting the two of them up.  He complains the whole way, but Myungsoo chatters so much about his magazine that it goes unnoticed and Sunggyu gives up just to listen to him. 

“And maybe if they like my pictures enough they’ll pick more in the future,” Myungsoo stops talking to let Sunggyu wipe ice cream off his face but continues quickly after, “And if they pick my pictures enough times maybe I’ll get a permanent job,” Another wipe, “And if I’m _really_ lucky-“

Sungyeol rolls his eyes and gives Sunggyu a look, “Just stop, he’s gonna be blabbing his little heart out so half that ice cream’s gonna end up on his face no matter what you do,” Myungsoo gives him an apologetic smile that doesn’t even look that apologetic.

Sunggyu clicks his tongue, “What a waste of my money, why’d you even beg me to buy you ice cream when you’re not even gonna eat it?”  Myungsoo takes a big bite and makes a face because of the cold feeling against his teeth just to prove him wrong and Sunggyu rolls his eyes.  “I swear to god my friends are idiots.”

Myungsoo smiles big, and says, “But you love me anyway,” at the same time that Sungyeol chimes in and says,

“You can’t say I’m as stupid as him!”  He pauses, registers Myungsoo’s words and scoffs, “He loves me too!”

Sunggyu starts whistling and gives Myungsoo a knowing look.  Sungyeol snorts angrily, “Wow, you’re such an asshole.  You’re like, the asshole king. And you even found a sidekick,” Myungsoo just shrugs.  Sungyeol aims a kick for his shin, but misses because Sunggyu kicks him instead.

Sungyeol groans loudly, “I really regret this.  Introducing you two, I mean.  Clearly it was not going to end up nicely for me, I fucked up.”

Sunggyu tosses Myungsoo a look and they both chime in with a, “Yup.”

_“I’m so proud of you, now would you eat the ice cream properly?”_

_“I love you Hyung, so that means a lot coming from you.”_

_“You better love me, I’m too awesome of a guy…what’s with the sad smile? Fine, I love you too. Happy?”_

_“That kid really helped you get over Woohyun...I want to meet him,”_

_“You really should, Noona, Myungsoo’s kind of magical.”_

_“Exactly what you wanted before you met Woohyun, huh?”_

_“I’m happy that you and Soo are getting closer, I’m happy he’s found someone,”_

_“You don’t sound like it,”_

_“I am! It’s just…I am, okay? I just am.”_

The next time he sees Myungsoo, Sunggyu plops down on a bench after roaming around a park with him for hours.  “How the hell do you _do_ this for so long?” He snorts, “I’m already sweating,” Myungsoo only hums and starts clicking through his camera at his newest finds of the day.

“Time flies by when you’re doing something you love, you know,” Myungsoo laughs.  Sunggyu rolls his eyes and smacks him on the head.  He thinks about the way Myungsoo’s lips curl into a cute little smile, and the way that his hair always falls perfectly on his head.  He likes the way Myungsoo’s hair feels in his fingers, and he loves the look his eyes get when he’s clicking through his camera.  It’s all so Myungsoo, every bit of it.  And Sunggyu really loves that.

He really loves Myungsoo.  Not like Woohyun, of course, but not quite like Sungyeol either.  Or, so he believes.   Sunggyu closes his eyes and rests back against the bench and lets out a deep sigh.  He feels Myungsoo shift beside him until their legs are pressed against each other.  Eyes still closed, he lazily drapes an arm over his shoulder and lets Myungsoo rest his head on his chest, still lazily listening to the flicking of the button on his camera.

And Sunggyu remembers Woohyun in that moment, so strongly it seizes at his chest.  He remembers the way Woohyun would smile so big, and the bright brown of his eyes.  He remembers the roughness of his hands mixed with the softness of his lips.  He remembers the touch of his skin and the whisper of his words and he feels a tight feeling grip his throat. 

Myungsoo shifts again.  Sunggyu still keeps his eyes closed.

“Hey, Hyung, do you think it’s possible to find a new soulmate?” 

Sunggyu pauses.  “It isn’t unheard of,”

“Do you think you could? Find someone else, be happy again?”  Myungsoo shuffles closer to him.

“I…” Sunggyu thinks of Woohyun’s laugh, thinks of Woohyun’s smile, his touch, and everything.  He sighs, “I really couldn’t.  It just wouldn’t be the same, Soo.  I suppose it’s hard for you to understand but Woohyun…he was Woohyun, you know?  And I can’t ever love anyone like that again.  Because he was just Woohyun and no one can be that for me,”

Myungsoo is silent for a while, and speaks again in a whisper.  “You don’t have to love them the same, not even as much, you could love them differently, you know?  Like in a different way.  You can’t ever expect to love anyone as much as you loved Woohyun Hyung, buy you can still try to love someone else in a different kind of way,”

“That isn’t fair,” Sunggyu sighs and relishes the feel of sun on his skin and misses the bright tinge it put on everything, god does he miss the colors. “It’s not fair to someone else to know that I won’t be giving them all of the love I can offer.  It isn’t fair to someone else to know that they love me with every ounce of love they have, but I can never give them the same. You’ll understand when you’ve found your soulmate.”

Myungsoo doesn’t speak for what feels like a long time.  And then he does.  In a quiet voice, hands clutching his camera tightly and sounding heavily uncertain, “I think…” he swallows, “I think I have, Hyung.” 

Sunggyu’s eyes snap open at that, but then he forgets what Myungsoo says completely.  Sunggyu’s jaw drops and his stare is blank.  He rips his hand from Myungsoo’s shoulder and grabs at his face to squish it between his hands and Myungsoo splutters out a few words Sunggyu can’t make out because his mind is spinning.  “Hyung? What’s wrong? Is it THAT surprising?”

Sunggyu gurgles out a bunch of weird sounding noises, and tears start to fill in his eyes.  Sunggyu feels tears running down his cheeks and he can’t even tell when he starts crying, but his next words make Myungsoo smile a little.

“Brown.” He whispers, “Your eyes are brown.” 

Myungsoo starts to smile softly, and then it gradually becomes bigger, and he starts to speak, but Sunggyu cuts him off and Myungsoo’s smile falls off his face.  “Woohyun?”  Sunggyu mutters, “Woohyun? Woohyun must be here? Woohyun has to…”  Sunggyu shoves off the bench and starts to dart his eyes around, searching because this is actually happening.  Because Woohyun’s alive, his soulmate’s alive, Woohyun _has_ to be alive. 

“Myungsoo you’ll get to meet him!”  Sunggyu grabs him by his orange cardigan and shakes his shoulders.  “God you’ll love him, but he’ll scare you at first.  But you gotta love him, okay? Because he’s Woohyun and he’s too loveable.”  Sunggyu feels happy tears rolling off his cheeks and he can’t stop them, he doesn’t want to.  Woohyun’s around, he must be looking too, he’ll find Woohyun, he _will_.  And Woohyun knows where he lives, Woohyun can find him if worst comes to worst.  He’ll have his love again.

“I’m gonna kick Sungyeol out,” Sunggyu continues, “Can you take him? Give him the couch for all I care, you’re best friends after all so you’ll be fine, right? Because you’ve got to understand, I haven’t seen Woohyun in so long that I have to be with him all the time, I want to, I _need_ to.”

“Hyung.”  Sunggyu notices that Myungsoo’s frowning, finally.  That his eyes are lined with water and he looks like he’s about to cry, but it doesn’t look like a happy cry.  Then it hits Sunggyu that Myungsoo probably thinks he’s lost his marbles.  “Hyung, Woohyun is dead.”

“No, I can _see_ them Soo!”  He shakes Myungsoo harder, “Your hair is brown, and so are your eyes.  Your cardigan is orange, you’re wearing blue jeans and that dumb scarf is brown! All this time I was sure it had to be something bri-“

Myungsoo whispers softly, slowly taking Sunggyu’s hands off his shoulders, but not letting them go. “And you’re eyes are brown too.  You’re hoody is red, and your shorts are black.  I can…see them too.”  He should be happy, Myungsoo should, but he’s not.  Sunggyu thinks it’s because he thinks the way he used to.

“Oh Myungsoo!”  Sunggyu groans, “Don’t look so down, give them a chance, okay? Go find your soulmate and give them an opportunity, and oh damn it just wait until you meet Woohyun, he’ll knock some sense into you the stupid cheeseball,”

“I don’t think I’ll get to meet him,” Myungsoo squeezes his eyes shut and holds his camera tight against his chest.  He speaks as if he’s choking, as if the words are going to eat him.  “I think…Hyung…I think that you…and…me…”

Sunggyu stares at him. 

Myungsoo doesn’t finish because he doesn’t have the guts, he just looks at Sunggyu with the stupid puppy-dog eyes and Sunggyu, deep down, thinks they look so much cuter when his eyes are brown and big with his hair falling into them.  “No.”  Sunggyu takes a step back. 

“But it could be!” Myungsoo starts, and a bit of tears escape from his eyes. “I know that…it took you a while to even get over Woohyun but I really think that-”

Sunggyu shoves him so hard Myungsoo topples backward, “Don’t you _dare_ suggest you could take his place,” 

“I’m not!” Myungsoo retaliates, he doesn’t get up though, a little shaken because Sunggyu looks ridiculously scary.  “I’m just saying that…I just started seeing them too…and you see them, so logically…” Sunggyu’s glare doesn’t falter, “And Hyung it really isn’t impossible, you know? There have been scenarios of people who have their real soulmate die and then they fall in love with someone and then-“

“Shut up!” Sunggyu shouts, he wants to yank Myungsoo up by the collar and put a fist against his nose.  But a part of him can’t do that because it’s Myungsoo.  It’s _his_ Myungsoo.  He can’t hit him.  “This is wrong. Woohyun is around and you’re trying to convince me that-“

“He’s _dead_!”  Myungsoo ends up shouting back at him.  “Hyung you can’t change that, you were at the funeral, you _saw_ it! This isn’t Hollywood, okay? This isn’t a movie, no one can come back from the dead and-“

“You’re right,” Sunggyu scoffs, “If this isn’t a movie, then why’s this happening? This isn’t a movie so there isn’t no happy fairy-tale ending getting two soulmates, you aren’t mine. I’m not yours.”

“Hyung _please_ , it isn’t unheard of! It’s actually very-“

The final words Kim Sunggyu says to Kim Myungsoo are, “Don’t you dare talk to me ever again.”

He runs home after that. He’ll wait for Woohyun at his apartment.

Woohyun doesn’t come.

_“You are the stupidest little brother I have.”_

_“He’s wrong, he’s being dumb, he’s-“_

_“In love with the biggest asshole alive,”_

_“Sweetheart it could have been a second chance!”_

_“I don’t want it,”_

_“So you’re taking it away from that boy?”_

_“Hyung I know you don’t want to answer my calls but – BEEP”_

_“Won’t you give me a chance to explain – BEEP”_

_“Please, I really think that I lo- BEEP”_

_Your mailbox is currently empty._

The first week, Sunggyu gets a lot of calls, and he talks to Sungyeol.  “Are you gonna bitch to me about it? Are you gonna be his personal messenger?”

“Don’t fucking talk about him like that,” Sungyeol spits at him.

“Listen, the little shit thinks-“

“I don’t care what he thinks, what he told you, how he phrased it, I don’t give a shit.” Sungyeol snaps at him.  “But Kim Myungsoo is my number one best friend, and I won’t let you say one word against him.  I’m not picking his side, and I’m not picking yours.  But if you aim one bad word at him, intentionally, I will rip your head off. I swear I will.”

“I’m not answering any of his calls,” Sunggyu snaps back.

Sungyeol softens a little bit, “I already told him you wouldn’t,”

“Tell him to give up,”

“Believe me, I’m trying to make him with every bit of power I have, because you’re an asshole. And you’re the last person he needs to be his soulmate,” Sunggyu scoffs and reminds him that _he_ was the one that wanted him and Myungsoo to be tight.  That _he_ was the one that wanted Myungsoo to have a new friend.  Sungyeol sighs, mutters something under his breath, and leaves.  Doesn’t even respond to Sunggyu’s demands to repeat himself.

 

Myungsoo doesn’t try to contact him for the rest of the month.  Sunggyu feels the emptiness.

 

Myungsoo doesn’t try after two months, and Sunggyu feels like something is missing.

 

Myungsoo doesn’t try after three months, and Sunggyu realizes he’s fucked up.

He realizes that Myungsoo’s eyes were always glowing, always smiling, always bright.  They didn’t need the brown tinge of color to illuminate them.  Maybe if he had met Woohyun without being his soulmate, they would have had that same glow to them.  Maybe they wouldn’t have.  But Myungsoo’s did.  They had that glow, they had that bit of love swirled into them.  And it was all love for him. 

Sunggyu holds his head into his hands and groans.  “I fucked up.”  He can only pray that it isn’t too late to go fix it, that it isn’t too late to go find Myungsoo and tell him he’s sorry, he’s an idiot, he doesn’t _deserve_ an apology but he will do just about damn anything to get it. 

It’s a little too bad that Myungsoo took his last few words a little too seriously, and Sunggyu never quite gets the chance. 

The next time he meets Myungsoo, his heart actually shatters.  It’s Sungyeol that brings him over, with a soft smile in his eyes when Sunggyu beams happily, “I was just about to come to see you! Myungsoo, I really need to-“

Myungsoo looks very confused for a moment, his brown eyes give Sungyeol a scared little look and Sungyeol swallows nervously.  “Um, Hyung…this is…this is Myungsoo.” 

Sunggyu doesn’t move.  So Sungyeol continues, “He um…had some rough times with a soul mate his…his old soulmate.” Myungsoo gets this embarrassed smile on his face and Sunggyu feels his stomach drop.  “So um, he got LacR,” 

“Oh.”

“I’m…did I know you well?” Myungsoo has that shy, sheepish smile that Sunggyu hoped he’d gotten rid of for good.  Something he hoped he’d never have to see again.  “I’m sorry…if I met you around the same time as my soulmate things won’t really click well…”

Sunggyu smiles softly, “It’s nothing we can’t build up again.”  He holds out a hand, “The name’s Sunggyu, we first met when you spilled coffee all over me, and I’d really appreciate it if you tried not to do that again.”

Sungyeol gives him a soft smile and he knows.  He knows Sunggyu realized a little too late, knows that Sunggyu fucked up real bad, but he doesn’t stop Myungsoo’s outstretched hand and tiny embarrassed smile. “I…did? I’ll keep in mind to stay away from you whenever I have coffee,”

“I wouldn’t sweat it, it was Sungyeol’s anyway,” 

For a spilt second, Myungsoo’s smile returns and he giggles. “Well if it was Sungyeol’s, then who cares?” 

“Trust me kid, you and I are gonna get along great with that mindset,” Sunggyu laughs.

Sungyeol snorts, “I’m really gonna regret introducing you two… _again_.”

 

_“Hyung…you can…you can get it too, you know?”_

_“I could…but I don’t want to.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“It’s just something I want to remember, for a long time. If he can’t, then I have to remember for the both of us.  Three people, actually. I want to remember all of it for the three of us.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I could say I'm really sorry but I have no excuse about me disappearing off the face of the earth for months.
> 
> All I can say is that organic chemistry sucks literally every desire I have to do anything but curl up and sleep for about the rest of the semester so...yea...college just sucks.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this: 
> 
> http://flaggermousse.tumblr.com/post/95505292855/denmarkswag-apharthurkirklands-au-where
> 
> Also didn't want to add that second relationship (or it would ruin the surprise...kinda) but I figured i'd drop it in like a hint or something to what part 2 has got! It doesn't even work like a hint unless you check back here everyday...ahh im stupid. bye.


End file.
